I am not adjusting terribly well to life in Brightcoast, or, as I realized to peace in general. It felt easier in Dovetail, but here everything feels foreign and strange.
And it made me realize how much I was relying on Tristan. Aaron is busy, his wedding is approaching sooner than any of us realized, and he had to manage Pantona (though he says William is helping a lot) And Eric is oddly present and yet distant at the same time.
I don’t know if he trusts me, is what I think it comes down to. But tonight I’m trying not to focus on his blowing hot and cold and enjoy myself.
“You look beautiful, Your Majesty,” Mercy said as she fastened my mask for Marina’s ball. I smiled at her. “Did I do alright?”
“You did wonderfully,” I smiled at her. She’s still very skittish. I can’t say I blame her. The little bit of what life under Brayton was like for her and Marina that I understand does not sound pleasant. “Do I have to take a carraige to the manor? I can’t ride in this, but I suppose it’s too far to walk.” She laughed.
“I believe so, Ma’am,” she said. I smiled. She took my hands and squeezed them. “You’ll do fine. A masquerade is easy. Everyone pretends they don’t know who they’re talking to anyway.” I laughed. “Besides which, you have the Princes.”
“Yes,” I sighed, “there’s them.” She giggled. “Run along, I’m sure Elodie is impatient for you.” I walked into the coach and the ride was quick and I quickly walked in. Mercy had been right, for the first time since I’d left Pantona I was allowed to enter a room without it stopping.
I didn’t actually think anyone didn’t recognize me, but they continued their carrying on as if they didn’t. Laughing, and drinking, dancing hadn’t started yet, though I noticed Aaron and Athena in a corner, his hands no where to be seen. Marina was carefully chatting with Lefty with a glass of sparkling wine in her hand, her simple blue gown making her look more beautiful than ever.
I’m so badly hoping not to disappoint her, but I also worry about him. She’s so young, and she’s never been in love like this before.
“Should I fear for my head, Empress,” Harran’s voice whispered next to me. I laughed. “Anessa wasn’t particularly kind to my people.” I giggled and looked at him. He wasn’t costumed, which was very like him.
“If you had stopped burning her cities, perhaps she would have left you in peace,” I poked him in the chest. He laughed.
“Perhaps,” he said. “Nonetheless,” I laughed. “If I’d known this is how you’d be dressed I’d have come as an ancient chief.”
“You ought to have anyway,” I said and glanced at the door and saw Eric. He was dressed in plain black pants, and a flowing white shirt, with a black mask tied over his head, covering his hair and face. I inhaled sharply.
“I’ve lost you,” Harran shook his head. I laughed. “Go, I can’t compete with a pirate.” I kissed him gently on the cheek. I walked over to Eric who smirked at me.
“Your Majesty,” he said softly, taking my hand and kissing it.
“Captain,” I said softly. “Eric, I,” I swallowed. It had been months since we’d told one another that we had feelings but I was always still so tongue tied around him. More so now. I wanted him so badly, and I wished he’d let me closer. “I’m glad you came.”
“I wouldn’t insult Marina,” he said gently. “Or you.” I looked down, blushing. “Come with me a moment,” he said softly. I nodded and let him pull me by the hand out of the ballroom and up several sets of winding stairs. I giggled as he pulled me out onto a landing.
“What are we doing?” I asked breathlessly. He sat down and I joined him. “Eric?”
“Do you see that light?” He whispered, pointing to a golden, distant light across the water. I nodded. “That’s Brinecliff.” I exhaled.
“Oh,” I said softly and rested my head on his shoulder.
“All my life, I would sit in the lighthouse, and look over the water,” he said, “I would see Brightcoast’s lights and I would wonder if maybe you were looking at me too. And then we came to Dovetail and you were there, in front of me, real and so open, to loving me.” he turned up my chin, “I know you’re frustrated with me. But you terrify me, Annalise,” I swallowed. “All of this does.”
“I don’t want to terrify you,” I said. “I just want you to see me.”
“I do,” he whispered, “I promise I do.” He kissed me then. The first one in months. “Annalise,” he mumbled. “You have no idea how much I see you.” I closed my eyes and pressed my forehead to his. “I wanted to give you space to grieve and make room in your heart for me.”
“I thought about you all the time too,” I said softly. He smiled. “I couldn’t literally look across and wonder like you did, but,” I exhaled. “But you were all around me.” I closed my eyes. “When we took the palace, Brayton tried to confuse me, he used illusions and shadows, memories and lies,” I swallowed, “and at the center of it, to pull me out was you.” He swallowed. “You were waiting and you promised that you always would.”
“I thought it was dream,” he admitted. I exhaled. “Or that I was losing my mind.” We kissed gently again. “I was in Rastan, and we hadn’t heard anything and,” he sighed, “Anya,” he mumbled.
“Who?” I asked. He shook his head and laughed.
“It’s a Rastani name, and I,” he swallowed, “it was what I called the version of you in my head.” I giggled. “I don’t know that you’ll ever be Lisette to me.”
“I don’t want to be,” I said, “Lisette belongs to a life you’ll never be a part of.” He kissed behind my ear softly.
“Anya,” he mumbled and nibbled gently on my neck.
“There you two are,” Raymond said, “Everyone is drunk and unmasking and you’re supposed to start the dancing. Marina is losing her mind.” I giggled and Eric sighed and sent a glare his way. “I can say I couldn’t find you,” he shrugged.
“No,” I said softly and got to my feet, in concert with Eric’s, “Do that then.” I looked at him and shook my head. We walked away and Eric whacked Raymond playfully in the head. Raymond kicked him back.
“Boys,” I mumbled walking down the steps and pausing at a glass to fix myself. I wasn’t terribly rumpled, which, I realized was even more frustrating. But I could be patient, Eric was right, we’d waited our entire lives for each other, why rush now.
But as the music started and we started dancing I was hit was a pang of wanting. I shivered as his skin touched mine. He winked at me and smiled, pulling me closer by the waist.
“I feel it too, Anya,” he whispered. I pressed my head against his chest. Yes, I could wait. For him I could. Forever.