Carolina

I stood in our room at the keep packing my things into my trunk and mentally composing the letter to Emily I had to write I heard Tristan walk in.

“Are you going to argue with me?” I asked. He sighed.

“No,” he whispered and came to hold me from behind. “I don’t want you to go, but I won’t argue with you.” I swallowed and closed my eyes.

“You could come with me,” I said.

“I want to,” he said.

“It would be like when we were in Dorin,” I said, “we’d be away from everything. We could start over.”

“I’m going to try to come with Marina,” he said, “a few weeks after you.” I sighed.

“Oh,” I said softly.

“It isn’t what you think,” he said as I pulled away. “Caro,” he said. I turned and looked at him.

“You’re choosing her, and Annalise,” I said, “I’m not surprised, Tristan, but it’s still irritating.” He sighed and sat down.

“Caro, I can’t,” he said. I looked at him. “I have to be present to explain why I won’t be returning after these visits.” I exhaled.

“Oh,” I whispered. He nodded.

“You surprised everyone,” he said gently as I snuggled into his lap.

“I surprised me,” I sighed, “and promising Alex and Emily,” I exhaled. “I don’t know what got into me.”

“It’s quite brave,” he smiled and kissed me. I smiled. “Alex won’t object, he’ll bring you.” I nodded. “And I’ll miss you.”

“I always miss you,” I whispered, “every time you go.” He kissed me. “Brea must be furious.” He laughed.

“Probably,” he said softly, I weaved my fingers into his. “You’ll go with the messenger?”

“I think so,” I said. “I’ll have to spend at least a few days in Dorin.”

“Get to, you get to spend a few days in Dorin, I’m jealous,” he smiled. I smiled. I did miss it sometimes. “Will you see your father?” He asked. I shook my head.

“Not if I can help it,” I said, “my mother though. And your aunts and uncles.” He nodded. “I’ll walk along the harbor, and go to our park.” He kissed me.

“Don’t you dare go to that park without me,” he whispered. I giggled. “Promise.” I kissed him again. “Gods, I wish I could go with you.”

“I’d let you finish undressing me now,” I said. My heart was beating quickly, remembering Tristan removing my shirt and suckling on me, unsure what he wanted with me, but desperate to be closer to him. “I have to finish packing. And then probably meet with Marina and Annalise.” He sighed and leaned back.

“I should stop you,” he said. “I know I can’t, but I have a bad feeling Caro.” I kissed him gently.

“I’ll come back later, we’ll say goodbye,” he nodded. I walked back out to where Annalise was sitting looking up at the stars. “He’s upset with me.”

“What’s that like?” She grinned and I laughed. “He worries about you. He worries about everything.” I smiled and nodded. We so rarely talked like this.

“Emily says you probably prayed for my death.” I said, wanting to fill the silence. She smirked at me.

“Not your death,” she said. “Nothing that extreme. I wished that you’d hate him, or you’d be deformed so he wouldn’t look at you or a simpleton so he’d be bored, or at least not so gods damned wonderful so I could dislike you more. Brea’s been very obliging by being unpleasant all these years.” I laughed.

“I could have been unpleasant,” I shrugged, “I once cornered Marina and screamed at her and basically called her a betraying whore.” Annalise sighed.

“I was furious with both of them about that night,” she admitted and pulled the shawl she was wearing around her shoulders. “As if it had anything to do with me.” I smiled.

“Everything we all do has something to do with you,” I sighed softly.

“Now you sound like Aaron,” she shook her head. I shrugged. “Do you agree with Tristan, about me and Prior?”

“No,” I whispered. “I don’t actually. I think he’s being ridiculous. Do you agree with him?”

“Sometimes,” she said softly, “I think I don’t know my own mind anymore. There were so many things I was so certain of, and now I’m lost.” I looked at her. “May I ask you something without any judgement?” I nodded. “William?” I looked down and laughed.

“What are you asking?” I asked. She smirked. “I’m going to make you say it, Your Majesty.”

“What is he like?” She asked. “I’m so curious. I was so innocent when he was pursuing me I didn’t even know he was doing it. I have to imagine that translates to everything.”

“He’s gifted.” I smiled. She laughed. “Very,” I smiled and leaned back, “responsive.” She nodded. “He was sweet, which, well, I’d never really had before.” She looked oddly at me. “Tristan’s always so urgent, so overwhelming. And Andrei,” I closed my eyes. “I didn’t know it then but I could have been anybody, it was just about him.”

“Marina used to say he was attentive,” she smirked at me. I smiled. “I can understand why you did it. Tristan doesn’t know what being left feels like.”

“He’s about to,” I said and she rested her head on my shoulder. “He’ll come to you. Maybe not right away, but he will, and I’m ready for that, I’ve always been ready for that.”

“I won’t take him,” she said. “Maybe I could have, but now,” she shook her head. “Now I’d be hurting Prior.” She stood up. “What do you think about Rastan?”

“I think it’s very odd that none of them came to Dovetail, ever,” I said. “And now they’ve issued an invitation that cannot be ignored.” She nodded. “I don’t trust it.”

“Me neither,” she said. “You’ll watch carefully?”

“I always do,” I smiled. I went back to my room, and saw my things already packed. I smiled. Tristan wasn’t there but he’d done something so small to support me. I curled up to sleep, and eventually he came and wrapped his arms around me from behind.

We didn’t make love, but this was better.