Hello!

Hi everyone! I hope you enjoyed Year 5. I liked writing it. (Though it was hard. Man, it took a lot out of me…)

We’re moving into the endgame and Year 6 is going to start posting next….drumrolll please….Tuesday.

That’s right friends. I got enough done ahead of time on Year 6 that at least for now, I’m going to do BI WEEKLY posts. Tuesdays and Thursdays. Also, while this is going to wrap up Marina, Annalise, Athena and Carolina’s stories, there are plenty of stories left to tell in this world and I intend to tell them. (And even if I didn’t really want to I have this feeling that if I didn’t at the very least write a short story where Prior gets a happy ending, Kristi would stop speaking to me, and I happen to like speaking to Kristi.)

But we have to get to the end first. Annalise and Eric have a wedding to fight for, the gods need to be freed, and a few other confrontations are on their way. In the meantime, A Gathering Of Desert And Ice (Book 4) is going to be available on October 15 (Preorders for Ebooks here!) , and I’m going to be hard at work getting Book 5 into shape while writing Year 6.

Anyway, we’re starting on Year 6 on Tuesday!

WOO HOOO!

Danna

Danna Finn woke up and stretched cracking her neck on each side, the sun must have been up for hours, because it was blaring through the window. The man next to her grunted and rolled over and pulled her close.

“Where do you think you’re going?” He kissed her neck, and his hands were holding her just a little tighter than necessary for affection.

“I gotta get to work,” she mumbled, squirming a little. One hand ran down between her legs the other up to her breast. “Cole, come on,” she exhaled. How could he possibly want more? They’d gone for hours the night before.

“I’ve told you that you don’t have to work anymore,” he whispered, but finally let her go. She rolled her eyes and found her dress on the ground and pulled it over her head. “You’re my girl, I’m gonna take care of you.”

“Tanner’s been good to me,” she kissed him gently. “I don’t want to leave him in a lurch.” Cole snorted.

“That trash can handle his little watering hole,” Cole said. She frowned at him. “Come on, baby, just a quick ride before you go.” She crawled over the bed and kissed him deeply.

“I’ll see you tonight,” she said.

“I’ve got the boys tonight,” he said. She rolled her eyes. “You got your work, Danna, I got mine. I’ll buy you something pretty to make up for it.”

“What would your Daddy say if he knew you were spending his money keeping trash like me happy?” She teased. He gripped her chin.

“What would your Daddy say knowing you spread your legs for a useless rich boy like me?” His jab was sharper.

“I’m gonna go,” she said, shrinking back.

“Come on, I was kidding,” he said, and gripped her wrist. “I shouldn’t have, I’m sorry.” She nodded and pulled away. “We’ll come by tonight and get you, yeah?”

“Sure,” she mumbled. She tied her long red hair back and walked out of the bedroom. Cole followed after her, though he didn’t say anything, he didn’t need to. He’d made his point. She knew exactly what her father would think of her being here, in this house, in Cole’s bed.

He’d tell her she could do better. He’d tell some story about their family, and Cammadan, and magic. But Danna had stopped living in her Da’s stories, and Cole was a son of a bitch, but she had a roof over her head, and food in her belly.

Who cares if he fucked her too hard, or held on too long and too hard when she was trying to walk away? Or that his teasing never quite felt like teasing, like he knew he was sending an arrow right to her heart?

“See you later, sweetheart,” Cole said softly and lay a kiss on her shoulder.

“See you later,” she whispered and walked out towards the barn. She grabbed her horse, and rode into town and tied it off, walking into the small but well maintained board building that housed Tarren’s Bar. Tarren himself smiled at her from behind the bar.

“You’re early,” he said. She shrugged. “What’d he do to piss you off?”

“Don’t worry about it,” she teased and grabbed a mop and bucket and started on the floor.

“You might want to crash here for a few,” Tanner said. She frowned at him.

“Cole won’t like that,” she muttered. “Why?”

“Rangers are near by,” he smirked. She exhaled.

“The rangers never bother Cole,” she shook her head. She always assumed he paid them off. Cole bought what he wanted. He’d bought her, too. “What do you know, Tanner?” Her friend exhaled.

“There are two witches with them,” he said, “and one of the border Princes.” She raised an eyebrow. “Those green coats can be paid off, I’d kind of like to watch Cole try to get rid of a witch with a bag of gold.” Danna swallowed. Tanner’s grin wasn’t for no reason, his Wyan mother had often told both of them that one day the reckoning would come for the Cammadie in Westran, who were poor stewards and bad guests.

Danna’s father had often said the same. We’re not meant for this place, Danna, someday we’ll go home. When the queen comes. But her father had died, and the queen had come, and Danna didn’t know what home was, but the idea of leaving this place, hard as it was, to go to some green field that she didn’t know didn’t feel right either.

If Tanner thought these witches were the reckoning, maybe she should finally go. Go where? What would be different in Cammadan? She had nothing and no one there, here she had nothing but at least she had Tanner and Cole.

She walked over to the bar.

“Two witches?” She said. He nodded. “Her?” He rolled his eyes.

“I doubt Lady Anaia would come here,” he said. She grinned at him. “That’s like asking if your girl Queen came riding through.”

“Queen Annalise almost married the Chieftain,” she grabbed a bottled beer and popped the top off. “She might have come here if she had.”

“And instead he married a nice Wyan girl,” he smirked, “my people won that war.” She laughed and the doors swung open.

“Are you open yet?” A female voice said. Tanner nodded at the girl, speak of the devil, a ranger in a green tunic, with an axe strapped to her back. “Thanks, we’re starved,” she strode in and was followed by two more rangers, one a boy with almost white blonde hair tied back in a tail, and the other a dark skinned woman with her hair in braids, the prince followed them, or she assumed he was a prince, white, with dark hair and a chiseled jaw, wearing a brown leather vest, and a long knife on his belt, he was flanked by the witches.

Danna felt something rumble, deep in her, not sure what it was. Our blood is magic, Danna, Da would say, you need to look for it. Listen for it. But Dad was crazy. Both the amber eyed, brown skinned women in black, didn’t even glance at her. They looked right at Tanner who was staring at them.

“My Ladies,” he said coming out from the bar and kneeling for them. “You honor me.” One of them, with silky black hair that she was wearing down her back smiled softly at him and turned up his chin.

“You honor us,” she said.

“Is there food?” The other one said, her hair was veiled and the look on her face was amused. “Then I think we can talk about honor?” Tanner rose and looked at her, Danna kept watching them.

“Of course, Lady Nika,” he said. “My Prince,” he bowed to the other one. “High Lady Brea.”

“High Lady?” The beautiful one preened, “that’s new, I like that.” The Prince groaned.

“Yes, what you and my brother need are more titles,” he said, and she settled in to a seat and stuck out her tongue at him.

“Hush Rian Riordan,” she said, then she noticed Danna and her amiable mood seemed to evaporate. Danna looked away and went to get them water, she left it on the table and they started laughing and chatting. The beautiful witch watched her like a hawk though. She went back into the kitchen.

“What was that?” She asked. Tanner was standing in front of a tray staring at the ice box. “Tanner, are you alright?”

“Lady Nika is here,” he said, “Lady Brea is here,” he exhaled. “I have to feed them.” She crossed her arms. “They’re the daughters, Danna! Chief Walkin and Lady Anaia’s daughters, Lady Brea is married to the Chieftain.”

“Oh,” she said. “This is very exciting for you, then.” Her friend glared at her. “Give me that,” she grabbed the tray and filled it with bread and cheese from the box. “I’ll take care of them while you get yourself together.” She went and laid it out. “I apologize, Tanner is a bit, erm,” she said as they reached out and grabbed at the foot, “over come?”

“I have that effect on people,” the blonde ranger winked at her. The Veiled witch, Nika, Danna remembered rolled her eyes.

“He’s Wyan?” She asked.

“His mother,” Danna explained. “She lives just north of town.”

“We will go see her,” Lady Brea said, her face somewhat softer, but she still had Danna in her sights it seemed. “And you are?”

“Danna Finn, Lady,” she bobbed gently. “I can bring drinks if you like.”

“We do like,” the dark skinned ranger girl smirked, she’d leaned into the princes’s arm casually draped around her. Danna nodded and served them. Their chatter was interesting, mostly teasing, eventually they took rooms and went up to bathe. Tanner had recovered himself and as Danna went to clear the tables Lady Nika walked over to her.

“I apologize for my sister,” she said. Danna swallowed and nodded. “She dislikes the Cammadie presence on our land, it’s not personal.”

“You’re riding with the rangers,” I pointed out. She shrugged.

“We all have our hypocrisies,” she smirked, “and she’d argue the rangers beat the alternative.” Danna nodded. “Regardless, you have my apologies.” She walked away silently. Danna swallowed, she had a feeling Lady Nika had done this a few times.

“You should go home,” Tanner said as she helped him set for when the mines got out and the farmers settled their days.

“This morning you wanted me to stay here,” she reminded him. He exhaled. “Tanner,” she said. “What do you think is going to happen?”

“I don’t know,” he said, “I just have a bad feeling.”

“He’s not going to be there,” she shook her head, “he said he’s coming by for me whenever he’s done whatever it is he’s doing.” Tanner inhaled. “He doesn’t tell me what it is, it’s not like that.” Tanner frowned.

“What is it like?” He asked. He fucks me when he feels like and I don’t starve to death. She knew she couldn’t tell Tanner that. She looked at him and shrugged. “Danna,” he whispered, “what are you doing?”

“What we’ve always done,” she said, picking up a crate of empty bottles, “surviving.” She walked them out dropped them behind the store and looked up a the stars with her arms crossed. A breeze blew threw and a voice enveloped her.

Don’t run, Danna Finn, it was low, rumbling, male, but not human, she was sure of that. Wait for me. I have waited for you. She swallowed. So she was going insane in addition to everything else. She turned and walked back into the bar. Cole had arrived with his boys and waved to her, they were bragging loudly about what they’d “found” that day.

They hadn’t found shit, some miner probably had. She noticed the ranger party had settled in another corner and the arresting amber eyes of the witches were on her as she walked over.

“Hey beautiful,” Cole grinned and pulled her into his lap. “We scored big today.” She nodded.

“Cole, be careful,” she said. He laughed.

“Aw, you worried about me?” He nipped at her neck. She exhaled. “Is my girl great or what?” The group snickered. She met Broderick Dorthrin’s eyes, and thought of the time he’d cornered her at a mid summer festival and she’d stroked him off to get him to leave. She’d held that back, and Broderick must know it too, because he watched her constantly. “The greencoats and the savages won’t bother us.”

“Prince Rian’s no savage,” Lady Nika had walked over with a smirk, “I’ll cop to the label though. Mistress Danna, I was hoping you could find water for a bath for me? It’s been a long ride and I think the soak would do me good.”

“Of course, my lady,” she stood up and followed her. “You had a bath, I don’t know if I can scrounge more,” she admitted.

“You seemed uncomfortable,” the witch shrugged. Danna looked at her.

“Oh, no it wasn’t like that,” she looked down, “Cole’s my man.” She regarded me skeptically but then shrugged.

“I see,” she said, Danna turned to go back to work. “Danna Finn,” Danna turned and met the witch’s eyes, their amber color deepened and her face serious. “Whatever it was that you heard on the wind, I would heed it.”

“I don’t understand,” Danna said, “did you hear it too?” Lady Nika’s lips curled into a smile.

“No,” she said, “but I can feel your power, and the wind in this place is strange, and talkative and the wheel is about to turn.” She turned and left.

Danna swallowed. I can feel your power.

There’s magic in our blood, Danna. Da had sworn it.

That night after Cole had had his way, Danna drifted off to sleep, and dreamt of the sound of beating wings so loud it almost thunder, and she was soaring over the mountains towards the moon.

Wait for me, Danna Finn, the voice boomed. I have waited for you.

Athena

I am standing at the side of the throne, while Calla sits in her grandly made little chair and Aaron beside her.

“I do not understand why we are being asked to submit,” Arthur Winstrom, the Lord of Westlake said with a flat affect, “to your authority, Count.” Aaron sighed loudly. Regency doesn’t suit him, we all know it.

“You, and the others of the council supported the decision for my daughter to be named Annalise’s heir,” he said, “did you expect Viscountess Calla to sit in court as Duchess Marina did when the queen was unavailable? She’s not yet four.”

“I will be next month,” Calla said. “And I trust Papa to make decisions.” She beamed at the Lord, who stared back at her dumbfounded.

“Of course, my lady,” he mumbled and bowed and walked away. I smiled, and glanced to the back of the room, where I saw Mercy holding a swaddled Jack. I so badly wanted my boy in my arms.

“I think that’s enough for today,” Aaron said. There were murmurs and bows as we walked out, I took Jack and we went to the tower.

“Papa, you shouldn’t be so cross with them,” Calla said plopping on the floor, where her dolls were set up in an approximation of court.

“She’s right,” I said, as Jack began crying, “oh hush, darling,” I whispered. “Are you hungry?” I opened my jacket and he latched on and began eating. “Oh clearly.” Aaron smiled at me.

“I hate this,” he said, “when they get back, I’m pissing off to the beach and Lisette can listen to them all complain that I have too much power.” I laughed. “If she doesn’t come back engaged I’m putting forward a vote to ban Eric from the country, I’m completely serious. I will not go through this again.”

“I’m hungry too, Mama!” Calla said. I looked at her.

“I’m sure Lady Mercy will be here with tea in a moment, love,” I assured her. “Aaron, there’s nothing for it. And you can’t bar Eric from the country, it would cause a war, and also Marina would never forgive you.”

“I don’t see what it’s got to do with Marina,” Aaron shrugged, “Lefty is a Cammadie citizen now, grand admiral of a navy that, granted, does not yet exist, but still,” I laughed. “I want to go home Thena.”

“I know,” I said, “but we need to be here now.” He nodded.

“Look, Mama,” Calla said I looked over at her, she’d shaped out of light a perfect replica of the castle and palace. I wonder if the day will come that her magic doesn’t astound me.

“That’s wonderful,” I said, Aaron kneeled down with her. “What made you think to do that?”

“Before we left Pantona, Lady Nika said I should try to make things in my mind,” Calla said, “I wanted to make the palace.” Aaron ran a hand through the light shape, it wavered and returned immediately.

“It’s very sturdy,” he smiled. She sat up. “Now, is your princess holding court,” he picked up the doll. Calla nodded.

“Yes,” she said, “her mama is away so she must,” Aaron laughed. “She isn’t grumpy with her courtiers though, she’s very kind to them.”

“Papa should take an example,” I teased. Calla nodded seriously.

“And what are they talking about?” Aaron asked. Calla thought for a moment and picked up one of her guards.

“The Princess wishes to marry her guard,” Calla explained. The door opened and Althea came running through, Tristan right behind her and as predicted, Mercy with a tea tray and servant behind her with a cart of food.

“Calla, look,” Althea said holding up her small sword. Tristan laughed. “Sir Tristan said I’m very good with it.”

“May I have a sword?” Calla asked.

“No,” Aaron and I said in unison. Calla pouted and Althea settled in and they made the dolls argue about how the wedding would move forward.

“Who’s marrying?” Mercy asked.

“A Princess and her guard,” I teased. “I think Calla’s picked up on gossip.” Tristan sighed and picked up a pastry. “How are Chase and Caro?”

“They should be here soon,” he said, “Chase was napping and Caro can’t stand to leave him.” I nodded.

“I know how she feels,” I whispered, as Jack grabbed at my finger. I smiled down at him.

“Will cousin Chase be a guard too, Uncle Tristan?” Calla asked. Tristan looked at her.

“That is the current plan,” he nodded, “but he may not like it.” Calla and Althea both gasped.

“Who wouldn’t like it?” Althea asked indignantly.

“Neither your Mother, nor Lady Caro liked it much,” Aaron said, “or me, there are other ways to help.” Mercy laughed and sipped on her tea.

“Do you think I’m a traitor, dear one?” She teased. Althea sighed and walked over and crawled up into her lap.

“Of course not,” Althea said and rubbed her nose against her mother’s, Mercy giggled. “But Mama and I are guards, so our family doesn’t need three.” Mercy nodded.

“I agree,” she said. “So when is the wedding?”

“Well they have to wait because Mastero Raymond isn’t here to perform it,” Calla said with a tut.

“Obviously,” I smiled. “But I’m sure he will eagerly perform it when he comes home.” IF he comes home, I thought to myself. I didn’t like not knowing what was happening with them all in Phania. “Calla love, you said you were hungry, have a sandwich,” she went to the cart and grabbed one. “And come here and snuggle with Jack and me.” I knew she wasn’t actually that hungry, but was perhaps a little jealous so I happily let her nestle into my side while she nibbled. “He’s being very good today, don’t you think?”

“Yes,” she nodded, “but he was very loud last night.” I laughed. “Uncle Tristan, is Chase very loud when he cries like, Jack?”

“He is,” Tristan smiled. “Luckily for Chase he doesn’t have an older sister to bother, just Aunt Caro and me. Why?”

“I don’t know,” Calla said with a sigh, “I thought perhaps he was quieter and we might switch them.” I laughed.

“I’m afraid not Duck,” I said, “you were even louder than Jack, if you can believe it.” She rolled her eyes.

“I doubt that very much,” she stuck her nose in the air. She stood up. “May Althea and I go play outside?”

“Stay in the tower garden,” Aaron said, “Uncle Tristan has a great deal more to do than run around the grounds looking for the two of you.” Calla and Althea ran out the door. Mercy laughed.

“Honestly, I don’t think a single one of Cammadan’s enemies has a chance with those two in charge,” Mercy grinned. I laughed. “Switch the babies, it’s genius.” Caro walked in with Chase in her arms, followed by Elodie.

“Love,” Mercy said, “should we find another one?” She nodded towards the babies. Elodie had taken a sip of her tea and choked.

“No,” Elodie shook her head and I laughed. “Gods, Mercy, Althea was already three months older than Jack when we got her, and that was hard enough.” Caro laughed. “And considering that she took that sword, Tristan and disemboweled half of her stuffed animals yesterday, because Calla declared them a threat while they were playing I think our hands will remain full.”

“I don’t know where she learned that,” Tristan held up his hands, “I was saving disemboweling for after she turned six.” I laughed and Caro accepted a note from a page who walked in. She scowled. “What is it love?”

“Something being confirmed that I hoped wasn’t,” she mumbled, “Elodie, have you had a report from the border lately?”

“Not since Prior got there, why?” Elodie shook her head. Caro exhaled.

“No reason,” she said and then she was back with us. I knew better than to ask, if she just learned something we needed to know, we’d know it. Aaron glanced at me, realizing it was in his power to order her to speak up right now. He’s regent, and she’s his spy master. “It’s really not important, just some rumors, if it’s anything I’ll report.” Aaron nodded.

Marina

We were back at the manor. Damian had gone to bed, and I was staring at Tristan, he leaned looking out the window. Gods, he’s so beautiful, he’s always been so beautiful.

A lifetime of flames can’t be quenched by one hurried night Nika had said. Were they still burning? I feel so many things when I look at Tristan, but I don’t think I burn. Although at the moment all desire feels far away.

“Tristan,” I whispered and he looked at me. “What did she say to you, exactly?” He exhaled. “Amina, I mean.”

“You will be offered a great temptation,” he said, “And if you fall to it, you will lose this.”

“And you assumed that meant me, or Annalise?” I said, he walked over to me.

“What else could it mean?” He asked. I shook my head.

“All kinds of things,” I shrugged, “power, the kind she could give you, something about your grandfather and the guild, Amina’s not known for being straightforward,” he cupped my face and I shrunk back.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, “you’re not,” he exhaled, “Lestoff, and Caro, I know we can’t, I’m just, gods, look at you.”

“It isn’t that,” I shook my head, “I mean it is, but I also,” I exhaled, “being touched, like that, I can’t, I haven’t,” he nodded. “I don’t trust myself, to know what I want, that way. He,” I swallowed, “the things he did, the way it felt, it’s all still there, on my skin, in me, I can’t,” I started crying.

“What did he do to you?” He asked. I looked at him. “Say it out loud, Marina, it helps.” I sat down and he sat down with me. “Breathe,” he rested his hand on my chest, it wasn’t sexual, it wasn’t even tender, just pressure. “And then say it.” I took a deep breath.

“He took my mind,” I said, “he wrapped shadow around it, and made me,” I exhaled, “made me beg for him. And it was every night, however he wanted, sometimes tender, sometimes rough, sometimes he’d just have me touch myself while he watched.” Tristan nodded. “And I liked it, I liked pleasing him, I like the release of it. Except sometimes it would come back to me, this voice, my mind, and I was screaming, that I hated him, that I didn’t want any of it and it hurt,” he pressed his forehead to mine, “and when I wake up in the dark it’s still all there, when Damian touches me, when you touched me,” I exhaled. “It’s like it’s happening all over again, like I can’t say yes or no, I can’t choose, there’s like no choice.”

“It’s over,” he whispered, “when it happens, that is what you need to do, you need to take a deep breath, you need to remember that it did happen, but it’s over, and you need to remember where you are, where are you?” I closed my eyes, “don’t do that, keep looking at me, where are you, Marina?”

“I’m in the drawing room,” I said, “in Brightcoast Manor.” He nodded. “It did happen, but it’s over.” He nodded and I took another deep breath. “How do you know how to do this?” He smiled.

“Soldiers have these kinds of episodes a lot,” he said, “why do you think Martin meditates so much? Why he makes all of us learn how? It helps.” I looked at him.

“Do you?” I asked.

“Not so much anymore,” he said, “I used to. About taking Dovetail.” I nodded. “You said something about letters,” he whispered. I nodded.

“I took it,” I ran to the desk and pulled out the book. He opened it. “This is how he knew so much about me, about us.”

“Gods, I really did have a stick up my ass,” he muttered. I laughed. “How did I not know I was love with you? How did I miss it?” I glanced at the page he was looking at and smiled.

I find myself thinking of you, even when it makes no sense, I wrote, maybe when I was twelve, or thirteen? When I see the guards, or a golden horse, or at my studies, when one of the sister’s tells me to be more serious. I smiled.

I am sitting in the woods and saw two foxes trotting past, he wrote one time, it reminded me of dancing. Are you too grand and pious to dance these days? I swallowed and he looked at me.

“How did you get it?” He asked, I shrugged.

“I was still writing to you, even when I couldn’t send them,” I explained. “Some part of me knew I didn’t want him seeing, so I took it, and kept it on me.” He blinked.

“I waited for a letter,” he said, “sort of, I kept expecting,” he swallowed, “like it was any other time we were apart, that you’d write and I’d answer.” I nodded and flipped to the back.

Dear Tristan,

It’s dark and cold and dead here. I keep thinking about my little birds at Brightcoast, and I pray that they are well. Will you go to see them, and my father? When your baby is born, please take a small white one for them, and tell them about your foolish friend who traded her soul for something that is already dying in her.

He saw all of it, between us. There’s no reason to hope that it will be different this time.

Do swear to watch over Lisette for me. She needs to be loved so much, my poor heart.

Your Friend, Forever and Always

Marina

“You want my son to have one of our birds?” He said. I nodded. “A great honor for him,” I smiled, I leaned back against him. “It wasn’t for nothing,” he whispered. “What you traded, it wasn’t for nothing. You love him,” I looked at him. “Any of us would have, for the people we love.”

“Annalise wouldn’t have,” I whispered. He exhaled.

“Maybe not for Eric, or Prior or me,” he said, “but for you,” he looked at me. “She’d have done it for you.” I looked at him. “And maybe Aaron.” I laughed. “But mostly just you, you’re the person she loves most in the world, Rina.” I nodded and rolled over to be looking at him. “In some other world, some other Tristan was less foolish, and managed to keep you.”

“Even in this one,” I said softly, “you’re the one I trust with my soul.” I’d named it, finally, this permanent, impossible to break bond between us. It didn’t change anything, it didn’t make Caro or Damian matter less, but Tristan was mine, and I was his. “Go home,” I said. “The person you’d trade the world for shouldn’t have to share you anymore.” He cupped my face.

“The person you did it for is upstairs,” he whispered, “and he’s a good man, Rina.”

“What happened while I was down there?” I asked. “You two were practically at each other’s throats in Rastan.”

“For a while when you were taken too,” he said, “but he’s important to Caro, and you. So I am seeing the best in him.” I nodded. “I’ll go in the morning.” I smiled and kissed him on the cheek.

“I love you,” I whispered. “And thank you, for this.”

“I love you too,” he whispered. “Anything you need.” I smiled and went upstairs and undressed. I slid into bed with Damian and wrapped around me. I didn’t shrink away.

It happened. But it’s over.

Note: So, here’s the thing, early early in my notes, I knew that Marina was going to get pregnant by Brayton, and in drafts before a year or so ago, she was going to miscarry. But at the moment, it feels very important to me that she chooses to end the pregnancy. Abortion is healthcare, and too many people who need it are denied it. If you can, donate to a local abortion fund, help women stay safe, healthy, and free: https://abortionfunds.org/find-a-fund/

Marina

Arriving in Brightcoast feels like the sun has banished the last of the grey clouds settled in my mind and then seeing my father it was like a thousand suns crashing through. I ran to him.

“Oh Rina,” he whispered.

“You’re so bright,” I said. “Your aura.” He smiled.

“I’ll explain it all, I swear,” he said, and cupped my cheek. “For now let me be glad you’re safe and home.” I hugged him.

Not safe yet. The voice, the one that stayed with me cackles. The part of me that stayed sane is now crazy. That’s the only way I can explain it. But Nika made the potion, tonight it will be done.

“It will be like when you bleed monthly,” she explained as we settled into my room in The Manor, where we’d spent so many nights together. “But with some more pain.” I nodded. “Are you sure?”

“Are you trying to talk me out of it?” I asked.

“No,” Nika said. “But it’s not my decision. Brea always makes sure. She’s better at this sort of thing.” I kissed her softly.

“I’m glad it’s you and not Brea,” I whispered, “she’d probably yell at me.” Nika laughed.

“I’ll stay with you the whole time, if you like,” she said.

“Nika,” I whispered, “why have you been staying with me?”

“Because I love you,” she said, “even if we aren’t going to be together, even if I know we’re all wrong, my love isn’t going to go away. It will change, but I’ll always love you.” I nodded. “Now,” she said softly and handed me one cup. “This is the one that will pull the growing seed from you,” I swallowed, “and this,” the one she was holding, “will put you to sleep while it happens. Not everyone uses the second, but the first few hours, as I understand, can be very painful.”

“I’ll sleep,” I whispered. I didn’t want to think about it, I just wanted it done. I sipped down the first potion, it was bitter but not unpalatable, and then took the second and slipped under into dreamless inky black.

I woke up stretched feeling a little groggy and sore. I looked over and saw Damian sitting in a chair.

“Where’s Nika?” I asked.

“She went to get something to eat and sleep a little,” he said gently, “but she wanted someone to watch you in case there was too much blood.” I looked down, the sheets were soaked.

“And you know what too much is?” I asked him. He smiled softly.

“Yes,” he said softly. I thought about his life and realized this probably wasn’t the first time he’d been through this. I didn’t ask, four years ago I would have. Now I didn’t care, it didn’t matter. “Let’s clean you up a bit.” I swallowed and stood up, I flinched when he reached for me. I hated that. I didn’t want to. I wanted to fall into him, to let him hold me and soothe me.

And I could see he wanted to, but I was still too skittish, something in me still unhealed. He walked me to my tub, which was full and smelled heavenly I stepped into it.

“Damian,” I said gently, and he took my hand and squeezed it. “You pulled me off him.”

“He was pretty good and dead,” he laughed, “I don’t think more stabbing would have done much.” I smiled. “He didn’t hurt you, though?”

“Not really,” I whispered, “he was cruel, mean. But physically,” I exhaled, “he pampered me, mostly.” He nodded. I could see that he knew I was hedging, but I couldn’t talk about the hurt yet, his hands too tight on my wrists, how raw I would feel between my legs in the mornings, the bruises on my buttocks, and thighs, the bites on my breasts, and how there was the deep broken part of me that liked it, “I need to see Tristan at some point,” I mumbled. I knew he’d hate that. But I also knew Tristan would see, that I wouldn’t have to explain it.

“He’ll come,” Lefty whispered, “after the baby.” I looked at him. “Or we can go there, the house is very pleasant.” I laughed for what felt like the first time in my life. “Is something funny?”

“You stayed in their house?” I said in disbelief. “And you two didn’t kill one another?” He grinned.

“No love,” he said softly. “I might say we’re friends now, even.” I looked at him skeptically. “Not good friends, but something like how Eric feels about Harran.”

“I see,” I whispered. I didn’t tell him about how Brayton had broken me, that it had been my connection to Tristan that did it. “Damian,” I whispered. “How did you know? About the blood?” He looked away. “Your mother?”

“Even after she,” he sighed, “well, she married my father, it wasn’t as though she was still,” he shook his head, “but she had friends and if there was trouble, her word,” I smiled, “they’d stay with us, if they needed to.”

“I thought maybe,” I sighed, “there was someone, before.” He laughed.

“I’ve always been very careful,” he said, “my father practically beat it into me. If I was going to be a scoundrel I was to be safe about it, and not put some poor girl in danger.” I looked at him. “But yes, I’ve seen what the sheets look like.” I exhaled. “How are you feeling?”

“Strange,” I whispered. “Tired,” he nodded. “Damian, can you kiss me?” He knelt down beside me and kissed me softly.

“I was waiting for you to ask,” he said, “you seem to not want me to touch you.” I sighed.

“I don’t know why,” I said, “when I think about it, it’s all I want, but then you go to and,” I shivered. “Maybe it will be better now.”

“Maybe,” he said, “but you do need to heal. There’s no rush.” He kissed me gently again, this time I opened my mouth and tasted him. After he pulled back we sat happily in silence while I continued to wash. “I’m going to change the sheets, and then we’ll put you back to bed.” I smiled. “I won’t have Nika angry at me for your care being neglected.” I smiled again and when I got out of the tub, I wrapped myself in a towel before finding a nightgown and pulling it over my head. I curled up in the fresh bed.

“Lay with me?” I asked. He smiled and did so. I fell asleep in his arms.

Safe.

Annalise

I lay on my bed with Prior and he traced my features with his finger, like he was memorizing my face. I thought of the shadows version of his voice. I’d told him almost everything, though not the vision, I couldn’t do it yet.

I knew what it would mean.

“What happened here?” I asked. He smiled.

“There were shadows, Calla banished them,” he said. I smiled. “I went to your parent’s graves.” I looked at him. “I asked them to bring you back to me.” I exhaled. Gods, I love this man. Why isn’t it enough? “So he’s dead?”

“Yes,” I sighed.

“How does it feel?” He said. I shrugged.

“For you?” I whispered.

“I don’t know,” he admitted. “Relieved I guess.” I nodded. “Something’s wrong.”

“Not wrong,” I said, “well, I mean, Marina.” He nodded. “But, no it’s,” I kissed him. “I had a vision,” he exhaled.

“I see,” he said, “about me?” I nodded.

“And Tristan,” I sighed, “and Harran, and Eric.” He sighed.

“And what did these shadow visions of your lovers have to say,” he whispered.

“You were begging me to love you,” I exhaled. He nodded. “I want to, Prior,” I whispered, pressing my forehead to his. “I want to love you like you love me. I want to want to marry you and have your children and everything we’ve talked about.” He exhaled.

“But you don’t,” he murmured.

“No,” I whispered. He kissed me deeply.

“What if I don’t care?” He whispered. “What if I want you, all of it anyway?” I clung to him. My Prior, my cornerstone for the last few years.

“I can’t,” I whispered. “Gods, I wish I could.”

“If he hadn’t come back into your life,” he whispered, “do you think,” he drifted off.

“We’ll never know,” I said, realizing I was crying. “Because he did.” We left the rest unsaid. Because he knew. He always knows. He kissed me again, and we fell asleep clinging tightly to this, to the end. I woke up and he’d already gotten up to dress.

“I didn’t want to wake you,” he whispered and sat with me. “But I think I should go.” I nodded and carefully unclasped the necklace and handed it to him.

“Prior,” I said, “what will you do?” He sighed.

“The rangers,” he shrugged. “I can’t go back to Allred.” I nodded. “I’m yours to command, Your Majesty. I took a vow.”

“I know,” I said. He kissed my forehead for a long time. I eventually dressed and walked down to the room where Marina was being kept. She was awake but not talking, barely moving, staring out the window. “Did she sleep?” I asked Nika.

“A little,” Nika said, “Lefty went to get some broth.” I nodded. “She needs the sea, Annalise.” I exhaled.

“There’s a salt pond,” I mumbled, “Caleb built it as a tenth birthday present.”

“I’ll bathe her in that, it might help,” she said, “but it won’t be enough.”

“Brightcoast is too far,” I said. She nodded. “Dorin?”

“Mm,” she sighed, “do you want to rely on the Dumanis?”

“You don’t have to,” Carolina walked in, I looked at her. The vision of Tristan, talking about how he took her wanting me filled my mind. “Raniere said he’d helped however he could.” I exhaled.

“You can get word to him?” I asked. She sighed and seemed to be thinking it through.

“Yes,” she decided. “Through my sister, I was sending a letter out to her anyway.” I nodded. “A messenger who we trust to get to Dorin is harder to come by. William still isn’t back.” I exhaled.

“I’ll go,” Prior said. I hadn’t heard him come in. “Let me do this for you.” I nodded.

“Thank you,” I said, a lump in my throat. He nodded and left. Caro looked at me.

“It’s over?” She said. I nodded. “I’m sorry.” I nodded and wandered the house. The spots of my childhood haunting me, I was so tired, and I didn’t know what to do next. I walked past the back terrace and saw Eric standing looking at the mountain. I walked out to him.

“I still can’t believe you grew up here,” he sighed. “All these hills, and no real water,” I laughed. “I should begin my plans to go home.”

“Don’t,” I said softly. He smiled. “Please, just, stay, we’ll figure it out.” I stepped closer.

“What about Prior?” He asked and slipped carefully slid his thumb against my collar bone. I swallowed.

“There is no Prior,” I whispered, my heart was heavy with it. He cupped my face and kissed me gently.

“Alright,” he whispered. “I’ll stay.” I smiled. Thomas stepped out. I looked at him.

“I need to talk to you,” he said, his voice flat. Eric nodded and I followed him inside. “I waited for you last night.”

“Why?” I asked. He folded his arms.

“To hold vigil,” he said, “I understand you needed your rest but tonight,” I stared at him.

“Who are we holding vigil for?” I asked. “Everyone lived.”

“Not everyone,” he swallowed.

“You aren’t serious, Thomas!” I forget this about him sometimes, how serious he is about it, how devout.

“It’s important,” he said simply. “He was Dovetail, your family, your father’s,” his voice shook a little at that.

“He killed my father,” I shouted. To only speak of Anton in Caleb’s house felt wrong. “Fathers. Both of them, they’re now avenged and can rest. As for Brayton, let Amina keep his soul, I hope she tears it to pieces for eternity to punish him. He doesn’t deserve a vigil, to rest, to go to our family.” I went to march past him and he followed me. “Hold vigil if you want, I won’t stop you, but I won’t be a part of it.”

“He was Dovetail,” Thomas repeated. “You are Dovetail, Annalise.” I looked at him. “It matters.” I away. “Anton was with me, in the clearing, helping me fight.”

“He came to you, he came to Aaron,” I mumbled, “he was busy.” He looked at me. “I’ll do the stupid vigil, Thomas.”

“Thank you,” he walked out. Sun down came eventually and I walked out my the pond where Thomas has set a small altar and lit a candle. I frowned and knelt beside him. We were silent for about an hour. “You’ll thank me someday.”

“How many of these have you sat because of him?” I asked. Thomas looked at me.

“That isn’t the point,” he said softly. I sighed. “Either these things matter or they don’t, Annalise.” I frowned. “Brayton was a person. I hated him. I hated him long before his soul shattered, when he was just a sullen little twerp who looked at me like I was dirt because I didn’t have a title.” I smiled. “And he killed my dearest friend, my twin heart,” I swallowed. I’d never heard that phrase before. But I understood it immediately. “But he was a person, he had a soul, and that must be noticed, and honored.” He exhaled. “And he shared your blood, and Anton’s, and that matters too.”

“When he was in the dungeon,” I said, “and I would go see him, and we would talk, he said I’d been tamed.” Thomas looked at me. “That Caleb had leashed me, but that it was all still there. The Dovetail things, the temper and the intensity and the entitlement. The appetite,” I shook my head. “It made me so angry because he was right. Being here, with them, did soften me.”

“It made you different, certainly different from Anton, who was already different from your grandfather, thank the gods,” he shrugged, “but tamed you? You are not tame, Annalise.” I smiled. “You had to be more, have to be. Caleb understood that more than anyone. But in all the differences, you are so like your father,” he sighed, “to the point that it frightened me, at first.”

“Olivia says it all the time too,” I whispered. He nodded.

He exhaled and we watched the flame of the candle, and waited until the sun came up. “Brayton Dovetail, Lord of Shadows, May you rest.”

“May you rest,” I whispered after him. I looked into the flame of the candle and saw a scene, from a different thread. I stood holding Eric’s hands at our wedding my parents at my side and Brayton presided over us in Mastero’s robes.

What could have been, Rana’s voice sighed in my mind. What a waste. I felt a tear roll down my cheek, I was crying. For Prior, for my family, for my cousins, for what could have been.