Annalise

Being in the summer palace without court felt bizarre, it was too quiet, too lifeless. I wandered the halls and flopped in empty receiving rooms, and waited for word from the manor that Marina was well enough to see people.

“Annalise?” Evan walked up to me one day. He and Raymond had stayed at least. I’d begged them not to go to the University Outpost instead, there had to be someone else besides me and Eric and the servants. “I thought you’d want to know Prior wrote me from the border keep.” I smiled at him.

“Thank you,” I said. He sat down with me. “I hope you don’t hate me.” He laughed and shook his head.

“No,” he said, “but give him time to grieve you. He loved you for longer than you even knew him.” I exhaled.

“I miss him,” I said softly. Evan smiled. “He said he wouldn’t go back to Allred.” He exhaled.

“My father is going to lose his mind,” Evan admitted. “We should all stay clear of Allred for a while.” I laughed. “Raymond wants to go back to Phania, when they go.” I nodded.

“Of course,” I said. “You should go with them.” He nodded. “Is there something else?”

“We’d like to be married when we go,” Evan smirked. I sighed.

“Evan,” I said, “you have my permission, but you know that in Phania they won’t,” he raised his hand to stop me.

“We don’t just want your permission, Annalise,” he said, “we want you to perform it.” I laughed.

“So then it can’t be denied without insulting me,” I said. Evan nodded. It was a truly brilliant plan. “Alright, when?” I gasped. “Oh, should we send for your parents.”

“No,” Evan laughed, “but when Marina is feeling better.” I nodded. “I’d like Prior to be there, but I doubt there’s time.” I sighed and leaned back against the couch. “Annalise, what happened, exactly?”

“We got back and I realized that,” I exhaled, “as much as I love him, and it’s so much, I couldn’t,” I exhaled, “I couldn’t live knowing that he’d always deserve more than I could give him.” Evan hugged me. “And I hate that Tristan and Aaron were right.”

“Well, we all hate when that happens,” he said. Eric walked in and looked at us. “Your Highness,” Evan said and stood up.

“Lord Allred,” Eric said as he left. “He is not going to warm up to me.”

“Probably not,” I said. “Prior is like a brother to him.” He laughed. “They want to go to Phania.”

“Oh, Lara and Elana are going to love Evan,” he groaned. “He’s so polite and responsible.” I leaned against him.

“What if I went?” I asked.

“To Phania?” He asked. I nodded. “Can you?”

“I think so,” I said. “Things went well enough while I was in Westran. I have to start visiting other courts eventually, and I want to know your family. You know mine.”

“You don’t want to know my family,” he said, “well, my mother, I suppose and Simon, and Kat, and maybe Karina, but the rest of them, no. You don’t.”

“Eric,” I said, “we can’t do this again. I win the horrible family contest every time. Brayton dragged Marina into a shadow realm where he brainwashed and raped her. Then she stabbed him repeatedly until he had no blood left.”

“Yes but you have the Pantonas,” he said, “and even though my mother and Simon are wonderful, they are also crazy.” I smiled. “I love you. And I want you to see Phania, I do, but is this the right time?”

“There’ll never be a right time,” I said, “but maybe if he sees me, sees us,” I exhaled. He nodded.

“I hate waiting,” Raymond walked in and plopped down. I raised my eyebrows at him.

“I just agreed to not only permit but perform your marriage, no complaining,” I pointed at him. He tossed a note at me.

I will tell you when she’s feeling better stop bothering me.

I laughed.

“Nika is very strict,” I shrugged. “We’re lucky it’s not Brea, Harran says while she was taking care of his father, she practically ringed the room in fire on days when he wasn’t up to visitors.”

“Ugh,” he said. “I want to get married and I want to go home.” Eric smiled.

“Anya’s coming with us,” he pointed out. I smiled.

“Really?” Raymond said. I nodded. “Oh good. Maybe my mother will let me open a window in Tumona if you go there.”

“I wouldn’t count on it.” Eric said. I laughed. “Lara finds the sun abrasive.” Raymond was grinning ear to ear, I’d known he missed home, and Eric, but how much had escaped me. “Should I write to Elana or will you?”

“You write to your mother, I’ll handle the queen,” Raymond said. Eric sighed. “Kari?” Eric stretched.

“We can let Elana handle Kari,” Eric said, “and Kat, we’ll give Lefty the honor.”

“Is this normal?” I said, “You three juggling the women in your family? Should I be preparing for something?”

“If you think they didn’t spend every minute they were here the first time juggling you two,” Raymond teased and Eric playfully tackled him to the floor, Raymond turned him over and pinned him. “Give?”

“Yes, I give, you maniac,” Eric said and kicked him.

“Boys,” I mumbled and they stood up, “how am I supposed to take my Mastero and my consort seriously when they behave like alley cats?” Eric looked at me, and it was like the it was the first time I’d said it out loud. I hadn’t asked him. He hadn’t accepted.

“Consort, hm?” He grinned. I rolled my eyes. “King Consort? Lord Consort? Prince Consort?”

“That’s not up to her, Your Highness,” Raymond said with a kick to his thigh which Eric blocked. “Council will debate it for years maybe,” he stood up and walked out. He eyes me.

“It won’t take years,” I assured him.

“It better not,” he kissed me gently and then pulled back as the door opened.

“Well, this is a cozy scene,” a young woman walked in, carrying a crate. I grinned at her. Elaine and Dorian Addison were staples in Brightcoast, and Lefty’s oldest friends. Lainey in particular saw to it that Marina and I were cared for over the past few years. “Your Majesty,” Lainey curtseyed.

“Mistress Addison,” I said.

“Lainey,” Eric said gently, she shot Eric a cool look.

“Your Highness,” she said, setting the crate down. “Please thank your brother, Queen Annalise, this year’s whiskey barrel is selling very well.”

“He’ll be thrilled,” I said, “what did you bring me?”

“The newest vintage of the Brightcoast wine, I know you like it,” Lainey shrugged, “and a bottle of Dorian’s rum, for him.” Eric grinned.

“I’ve been good Lainey, I swear it,” he said. She shrugged.

“I wouldn’t have taken him back if I were you,” she said to me. “Is Marina up for visitors?”

“Nika says no, but I’m sure Lefty would be happy to see you,” I assured her. She nodded and turned and left, hitting Eric upside the head on her way out. “What did you do to her?” I gaped at him.

“There was an incident with some expensive and rare spirits that she got me,” he said. I raised an eyebrow. “She got me a barrel of Pharras rum that took her a month to find and I went through it in a week.”

“The whole barrel?” I said. “Gods, Eric!”

“Well, I wasn’t drinking it alone,” Eric said, “there was this incredibly limber and thirsty tavern girl, named, Ada with me,” I crossed my arms. “At the time, my dearest one, you were likely bent over some kind of furniture while Harran had his way with you.” He was trying to provoke me, I realized, we hadn’t had it out over my relationship with Harran. It worked.

“Don’t be ridiculous, Harran wasn’t that creative, he mostly liked to be ridden,” I said and stalked out. I had no right to feel jealous and I knew it. But I was more annoyed at the way he spoke about it. Like I’d done something wrong, when he was the one who walked away. Nika would have to handle it. I needed to see Marina. I walked down to the manor, only to be greeted by Marina herself splashing in a tide pool. while Uncle Les sat smiling in the sunshine. My fury at Eric melted seeing them, both free and happy, for maybe the first time ever.

“Oh Lisette!” Marina said with a giggle, “I’m glad you’ve come, look, there are starfish!” I smiled and went and joined her there were indeed, several, floating to the surface.

“How are you feeling?” I asked.

“Oh I’m fine, Nika is being a pest,” she said. Uncles Les walked over. “Where’s Eric?”

“Sulking,” I said, “but he invited me to come to Phania.”

“Did he?” Uncle Les said brightly. I nodded, waiting for his lecture about the danger I’d be in, as if my mind couldn’t grasp that those feelings had never been his. “Just Brinecliff, or will you be greeting my Aunt Lara as well?”

“Vacana and Tumona too,” I said. He nodded. “You could come with us.” He laughed.

“I’m feeling better about a lot of things, my dear,” he said softly, “but no, I don’t think returning to Tumona is the right course at the moment.” I nodded. Lefty walked down and saw us.

“Your Grace,” he smiled at Uncle Les, who nodded back. “What are you doing here?”

“I needed a walk,” I said, “he’s being impossible.” Lefty raised an eyebrow and we walked a little further down the beach. “He was picking a fight.”

“About what?” He asked. “The only thing you’ve ever done wrong as far as he’s concerned is sleep with other men and he knows better than to pick on you about that,” I looked at him. “No he obviously doesn’t,” he exhaled. “He knows he’s wrong, Annalise, it’s just,” Lefty shrugged, “he’s a Prince of Phania, women of a certain class are supposed to behave a certain way and you don’t.” I nodded. “And he’s jealous.”

“There’s nothing to be jealous of,” I said. Lefty looked at me0.0

“I don’t mean of the other men, although he is,” he exhaled, “he’s jealous of your nature,” I looked at him. “That you can love others, that your heart is big enough for them and him. He’s not like that, and he worries that he won’t be enough.” I looked down. “Be patient with him, he’ll get there.” I sighed.

“He didn’t have to start talking about tavern girls,” I muttered, “as if I didn’t know he basically had an open door policy into his bedroom,” I crossed my arms. Lefty looked at me. “I cared very deeply about Harran and we were trying to make it work because it would have suited both of our people and I loved Prior. It’s not the same.”

“I am not the person to have this fight with,” he said. I exhaled, “I’ve been having it with him as your proxy for four years.” I laughed at that. “He stayed this time, it’s an improvement.” I smiled, that was true.

“Raymond and Evan have asked to be married,” I said softly, “do you think arranging it will be too much for her?” He grinned.

“I think you asking her will cheer her up,” he said softly. “And she’ll be honest if it’s too much.” I nodded and we walked back.

Annalise

Nika stands with me watching her sleep.

“He raped her,” I said. She looked at me. She’d finally told me, that Marina is pregnant. Apparently she and Brea have known since that night in Pantona.

“She says no, but she’s still confused,” she said softly. I looked at her.

“Is there any chance it’s Lefty’s?” I asked. She shook her head. “The Sword of Amina.”

“Yes,” Nika said. “Though, the creation of a sword is,”

“Singular, yes, Anselm told me many times,” I muttered. She sighed. “Nika,” I swallowed. “What if this is the balance?”

“Marina bearing Brayton’s child is not balance,” she said sharply. “It’s cruelty, it’s torture, it’s her worst nightmare made real.”

“Nika,” I said, and put my hand on hers and she inhales, centering herself. She’s held it together so well. The way our powers match mean I can read her better than the others. Every one of her edges is frayed. And all I can think about is how much I’m going to miss her when she finally goes home.

We walked into the cabin. She was staring out the window at the ocean.

“Marina,” I said gently. “Do you know you’re going to have a baby?” She looked at me.

“Yes, I remember most things now, it’s messy, but it’s all there,” she said, “his son.” I nodded. “He wanted him,” her voice was soft and she wrapped her shawl around her. “He wanted the child, very much.”

“Do you want him?” Nika said. Marina looked at her.

“No,” she said quietly. “No, I don’t want him. I don’t want this, I didn’t want him in my bed, inside of me. He twisted it, me, my mind, I,” she swallowed.

“It’s alright,” Nika said quietly. “You don’t have to have this child,” she whispered. Marching nodded. “You should have everything I’ll need when we get to Brightcoast, even at the manor, but the Outpost will have most everything else, I’ll put a list together for you and Raymond to help with.”

“Of course,” I nodded. She left. “You told her before he didn’t force you.”

“It was confusing,” she said softly. “He would talk and talk, and touch me, and I would submit, and my mind would cloud and I liked it, but I was disgusted with myself.” She closed her eyes. “And he was sweet to me, once I was pregnant. And he loved me, I think, as much as he could love anyone, and I killed him.”

“Oh, Marina,” I said and held her close. “It’s alright, it’s over.”

“Nika can’t even look at me,” she sighed. “She loved me once, and now she can’t even.”

“To be fair to Nika that was a problem before this,” I smiled. “You two didn’t part particularly well.” She nodded. “Marina, you remember, why Brayton wanted you to have a child, don’t you?”

“To kill you,” she said. “Well, he’d settle for me killing you.” She smiled. “And our son on the throne.” She looked down. “Did you make Calla your heir because you don’t trust me?” I stared at her. “That you knew I’d be weak and fall to him.”

“No,” I said, “no I made Calla my heir because I ask too much of you,” she whispered, “because your life is tied up in mine, because the mandate,” she looked at me. “You run my life, you keep my household together, and you’re my family. To ask you to take on the throne also, to give your children to it, is too much.” She rested her head on my shoulder.

“Tristan hasn’t been to see me,” she said, her voice sad.

“Tristan stayed in Pantona,” I whispered. “With Carolina.” She nodded.

“I keep forgetting,” she whispered. “He used to,” she stopped. “Brayton read our letters. Tristan and mine.” She looked down. “That’s how he knew so much about me. It wasn’t magic, it wasn’t Amina, it wasn’t anything other than,” she exhaled, “he read our letters. The only thing I had in my childhood that was untainted by him, that he hadn’t touched, it was pure, me and Tristan. And it wasn’t, he read our letters. And that’s when I gave up, when I went to him. Because it didn’t matter. He won, he’d always win.”

“He didn’t though,” I whispered. “He’s dead, Rina, you killed him.” She nodded. “And you won’t have his child, if you don’t want to. If you do want to, I will love your son with everything in my whole self.” She hugged me tightly.

“He’s supposed to have grey eyes,” she whispered to me. “Like yours, and my father’s smile.” I cup her face. “In other threads he does.”

“I know,” I said softly. “I’ve seen him too.” That’s how I’d know I could love him if she decides to have the baby. “What does Lefty say?” She swallowed.

“He doesn’t,” she whispered. “He said he can’t decide for me.” She rested her head on my shoulder. “He might kill you. No matter how much we love him.” I sighed. “And I didn’t want this.” She started crying. “But he’s supposed to have your eyes.” I’m amazed she can still call them my eyes. Dovetail eyes. My father’s. But Brayton’s too. “I can’t be his mother though, not when my mind is,” she exhaled, “not when I still can’t trust my mind.” I kissed her hair. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too,” I whispered. “And I’m so sorry I couldn’t save you sooner.”

“It could have been worse,” she whispered back. “It could have been much worse.” I nodded.

“I should have killed him,” I said. “Years ago, how many times I was alone in that cell with him, I could have just slit his throat and ended it.”

“No,” she said, “you couldn’t. I think I always had to.”

I looked at her. Of course she did. I sat with her a while longer and then found my way to the quarters that Eric had moved into on the ship. He was sitting quietly with a bundle of letters.

“Good news?” I tried.

“Not really,” he whispered. “Elana insisted Kat go right to Vacana when they returned so my mother is livid. Daniel has reminded me that I have technically stolen crown property, as did Lefty and he could hang us for piracy when we come back.” I nodded. For me, he did that for me.

“Is he serious?” I asked.

“No,” he said, “but he likes to do this,” I walked in and lay down next to him. “How is Marina?”

“Better,” I whispered. “She made her decision.” He nodded. “Eric what are you thinking?” He closed his eyes and exhaled.

“I’m thinking that I should have done this four years ago,” he whispered. “But I’m also thinking that I’m worried about Kat and Karina.” He circled his arms around me.

“Would they hurt her?” I whispered. “Your sister?”

“It isn’t like that,” he said softly. “It’s more subtle,” he sighed, “they’d take Brinecliff away, ruin Simon’s business, keep Kat from my mother, which they’re already doing.” I nodded.

“They kept you from her,” I said. He nodded. “When, for how long?”

“The longest was a year,” he said. “When I was eight.” I closed my eyes. “It was the same year Kari was born, and she showed up to court, round and healthy, carrying Kat, and declared that the new princess should be named heir over me.” I smiled. “She stopped short of saying she had a vision, but everyone knew it was why. And when my mother has a vision that’s the end of the conversation.” I looked at him.

“There are so many conversations to have about visions,” I sat up. He smirked. “They never mean what you think they mean, and half the time you barely remember them.”

“That’s your visions,” he said, “not my mother’s. When she Sees something, it happens.” I stared at him. “After that she was more careful, we all were.” He ran a thumb against my chin. “I see what you’re thinking Anya, and what Elana and Daniel did was terrible but I survived it, my mother survived it and Lefty and Simon survived it.” I leaned against him. “We’ll survive this too, and so will you and Marina.” I looked at him. “I won’t leave you again, unless you send me away.”

“Good,” I whispered. “Did she ever See us?” He exhaled.

“Not that she told me,” he whispered, “but she’ll rarely align with Elana and Daniel on these sorts of things and she was absolutely with them when it came to you. Until Daniel pulled us apart, which means she must have seen something.”

I kissed him. We had to figure this out. I needed him, even these past few weeks with everything terrible happening my heart was settled. It was this, us, this was what had been missing.