Note: So, here’s the thing, early early in my notes, I knew that Marina was going to get pregnant by Brayton, and in drafts before a year or so ago, she was going to miscarry. But at the moment, it feels very important to me that she chooses to end the pregnancy. Abortion is healthcare, and too many people who need it are denied it. If you can, donate to a local abortion fund, help women stay safe, healthy, and free: https://abortionfunds.org/find-a-fund/

Marina

Arriving in Brightcoast feels like the sun has banished the last of the grey clouds settled in my mind and then seeing my father it was like a thousand suns crashing through. I ran to him.

“Oh Rina,” he whispered.

“You’re so bright,” I said. “Your aura.” He smiled.

“I’ll explain it all, I swear,” he said, and cupped my cheek. “For now let me be glad you’re safe and home.” I hugged him.

Not safe yet. The voice, the one that stayed with me cackles. The part of me that stayed sane is now crazy. That’s the only way I can explain it. But Nika made the potion, tonight it will be done.

“It will be like when you bleed monthly,” she explained as we settled into my room in The Manor, where we’d spent so many nights together. “But with some more pain.” I nodded. “Are you sure?”

“Are you trying to talk me out of it?” I asked.

“No,” Nika said. “But it’s not my decision. Brea always makes sure. She’s better at this sort of thing.” I kissed her softly.

“I’m glad it’s you and not Brea,” I whispered, “she’d probably yell at me.” Nika laughed.

“I’ll stay with you the whole time, if you like,” she said.

“Nika,” I whispered, “why have you been staying with me?”

“Because I love you,” she said, “even if we aren’t going to be together, even if I know we’re all wrong, my love isn’t going to go away. It will change, but I’ll always love you.” I nodded. “Now,” she said softly and handed me one cup. “This is the one that will pull the growing seed from you,” I swallowed, “and this,” the one she was holding, “will put you to sleep while it happens. Not everyone uses the second, but the first few hours, as I understand, can be very painful.”

“I’ll sleep,” I whispered. I didn’t want to think about it, I just wanted it done. I sipped down the first potion, it was bitter but not unpalatable, and then took the second and slipped under into dreamless inky black.

I woke up stretched feeling a little groggy and sore. I looked over and saw Damian sitting in a chair.

“Where’s Nika?” I asked.

“She went to get something to eat and sleep a little,” he said gently, “but she wanted someone to watch you in case there was too much blood.” I looked down, the sheets were soaked.

“And you know what too much is?” I asked him. He smiled softly.

“Yes,” he said softly. I thought about his life and realized this probably wasn’t the first time he’d been through this. I didn’t ask, four years ago I would have. Now I didn’t care, it didn’t matter. “Let’s clean you up a bit.” I swallowed and stood up, I flinched when he reached for me. I hated that. I didn’t want to. I wanted to fall into him, to let him hold me and soothe me.

And I could see he wanted to, but I was still too skittish, something in me still unhealed. He walked me to my tub, which was full and smelled heavenly I stepped into it.

“Damian,” I said gently, and he took my hand and squeezed it. “You pulled me off him.”

“He was pretty good and dead,” he laughed, “I don’t think more stabbing would have done much.” I smiled. “He didn’t hurt you, though?”

“Not really,” I whispered, “he was cruel, mean. But physically,” I exhaled, “he pampered me, mostly.” He nodded. I could see that he knew I was hedging, but I couldn’t talk about the hurt yet, his hands too tight on my wrists, how raw I would feel between my legs in the mornings, the bruises on my buttocks, and thighs, the bites on my breasts, and how there was the deep broken part of me that liked it, “I need to see Tristan at some point,” I mumbled. I knew he’d hate that. But I also knew Tristan would see, that I wouldn’t have to explain it.

“He’ll come,” Lefty whispered, “after the baby.” I looked at him. “Or we can go there, the house is very pleasant.” I laughed for what felt like the first time in my life. “Is something funny?”

“You stayed in their house?” I said in disbelief. “And you two didn’t kill one another?” He grinned.

“No love,” he said softly. “I might say we’re friends now, even.” I looked at him skeptically. “Not good friends, but something like how Eric feels about Harran.”

“I see,” I whispered. I didn’t tell him about how Brayton had broken me, that it had been my connection to Tristan that did it. “Damian,” I whispered. “How did you know? About the blood?” He looked away. “Your mother?”

“Even after she,” he sighed, “well, she married my father, it wasn’t as though she was still,” he shook his head, “but she had friends and if there was trouble, her word,” I smiled, “they’d stay with us, if they needed to.”

“I thought maybe,” I sighed, “there was someone, before.” He laughed.

“I’ve always been very careful,” he said, “my father practically beat it into me. If I was going to be a scoundrel I was to be safe about it, and not put some poor girl in danger.” I looked at him. “But yes, I’ve seen what the sheets look like.” I exhaled. “How are you feeling?”

“Strange,” I whispered. “Tired,” he nodded. “Damian, can you kiss me?” He knelt down beside me and kissed me softly.

“I was waiting for you to ask,” he said, “you seem to not want me to touch you.” I sighed.

“I don’t know why,” I said, “when I think about it, it’s all I want, but then you go to and,” I shivered. “Maybe it will be better now.”

“Maybe,” he said, “but you do need to heal. There’s no rush.” He kissed me gently again, this time I opened my mouth and tasted him. After he pulled back we sat happily in silence while I continued to wash. “I’m going to change the sheets, and then we’ll put you back to bed.” I smiled. “I won’t have Nika angry at me for your care being neglected.” I smiled again and when I got out of the tub, I wrapped myself in a towel before finding a nightgown and pulling it over my head. I curled up in the fresh bed.

“Lay with me?” I asked. He smiled and did so. I fell asleep in his arms.

Safe.