Note: So, here’s the thing, early early in my notes, I knew that Marina was going to get pregnant by Brayton, and in drafts before a year or so ago, she was going to miscarry. But at the moment, it feels very important to me that she chooses to end the pregnancy. Abortion is healthcare, and too many people who need it are denied it. If you can, donate to a local abortion fund, help women stay safe, healthy, and free: https://abortionfunds.org/find-a-fund/

Marina

Arriving in Brightcoast feels like the sun has banished the last of the grey clouds settled in my mind and then seeing my father it was like a thousand suns crashing through. I ran to him.

“Oh Rina,” he whispered.

“You’re so bright,” I said. “Your aura.” He smiled.

“I’ll explain it all, I swear,” he said, and cupped my cheek. “For now let me be glad you’re safe and home.” I hugged him.

Not safe yet. The voice, the one that stayed with me cackles. The part of me that stayed sane is now crazy. That’s the only way I can explain it. But Nika made the potion, tonight it will be done.

“It will be like when you bleed monthly,” she explained as we settled into my room in The Manor, where we’d spent so many nights together. “But with some more pain.” I nodded. “Are you sure?”

“Are you trying to talk me out of it?” I asked.

“No,” Nika said. “But it’s not my decision. Brea always makes sure. She’s better at this sort of thing.” I kissed her softly.

“I’m glad it’s you and not Brea,” I whispered, “she’d probably yell at me.” Nika laughed.

“I’ll stay with you the whole time, if you like,” she said.

“Nika,” I whispered, “why have you been staying with me?”

“Because I love you,” she said, “even if we aren’t going to be together, even if I know we’re all wrong, my love isn’t going to go away. It will change, but I’ll always love you.” I nodded. “Now,” she said softly and handed me one cup. “This is the one that will pull the growing seed from you,” I swallowed, “and this,” the one she was holding, “will put you to sleep while it happens. Not everyone uses the second, but the first few hours, as I understand, can be very painful.”

“I’ll sleep,” I whispered. I didn’t want to think about it, I just wanted it done. I sipped down the first potion, it was bitter but not unpalatable, and then took the second and slipped under into dreamless inky black.

I woke up stretched feeling a little groggy and sore. I looked over and saw Damian sitting in a chair.

“Where’s Nika?” I asked.

“She went to get something to eat and sleep a little,” he said gently, “but she wanted someone to watch you in case there was too much blood.” I looked down, the sheets were soaked.

“And you know what too much is?” I asked him. He smiled softly.

“Yes,” he said softly. I thought about his life and realized this probably wasn’t the first time he’d been through this. I didn’t ask, four years ago I would have. Now I didn’t care, it didn’t matter. “Let’s clean you up a bit.” I swallowed and stood up, I flinched when he reached for me. I hated that. I didn’t want to. I wanted to fall into him, to let him hold me and soothe me.

And I could see he wanted to, but I was still too skittish, something in me still unhealed. He walked me to my tub, which was full and smelled heavenly I stepped into it.

“Damian,” I said gently, and he took my hand and squeezed it. “You pulled me off him.”

“He was pretty good and dead,” he laughed, “I don’t think more stabbing would have done much.” I smiled. “He didn’t hurt you, though?”

“Not really,” I whispered, “he was cruel, mean. But physically,” I exhaled, “he pampered me, mostly.” He nodded. I could see that he knew I was hedging, but I couldn’t talk about the hurt yet, his hands too tight on my wrists, how raw I would feel between my legs in the mornings, the bruises on my buttocks, and thighs, the bites on my breasts, and how there was the deep broken part of me that liked it, “I need to see Tristan at some point,” I mumbled. I knew he’d hate that. But I also knew Tristan would see, that I wouldn’t have to explain it.

“He’ll come,” Lefty whispered, “after the baby.” I looked at him. “Or we can go there, the house is very pleasant.” I laughed for what felt like the first time in my life. “Is something funny?”

“You stayed in their house?” I said in disbelief. “And you two didn’t kill one another?” He grinned.

“No love,” he said softly. “I might say we’re friends now, even.” I looked at him skeptically. “Not good friends, but something like how Eric feels about Harran.”

“I see,” I whispered. I didn’t tell him about how Brayton had broken me, that it had been my connection to Tristan that did it. “Damian,” I whispered. “How did you know? About the blood?” He looked away. “Your mother?”

“Even after she,” he sighed, “well, she married my father, it wasn’t as though she was still,” he shook his head, “but she had friends and if there was trouble, her word,” I smiled, “they’d stay with us, if they needed to.”

“I thought maybe,” I sighed, “there was someone, before.” He laughed.

“I’ve always been very careful,” he said, “my father practically beat it into me. If I was going to be a scoundrel I was to be safe about it, and not put some poor girl in danger.” I looked at him. “But yes, I’ve seen what the sheets look like.” I exhaled. “How are you feeling?”

“Strange,” I whispered. “Tired,” he nodded. “Damian, can you kiss me?” He knelt down beside me and kissed me softly.

“I was waiting for you to ask,” he said, “you seem to not want me to touch you.” I sighed.

“I don’t know why,” I said, “when I think about it, it’s all I want, but then you go to and,” I shivered. “Maybe it will be better now.”

“Maybe,” he said, “but you do need to heal. There’s no rush.” He kissed me gently again, this time I opened my mouth and tasted him. After he pulled back we sat happily in silence while I continued to wash. “I’m going to change the sheets, and then we’ll put you back to bed.” I smiled. “I won’t have Nika angry at me for your care being neglected.” I smiled again and when I got out of the tub, I wrapped myself in a towel before finding a nightgown and pulling it over my head. I curled up in the fresh bed.

“Lay with me?” I asked. He smiled and did so. I fell asleep in his arms.

Safe.

Annalise

I lay on my bed with Prior and he traced my features with his finger, like he was memorizing my face. I thought of the shadows version of his voice. I’d told him almost everything, though not the vision, I couldn’t do it yet.

I knew what it would mean.

“What happened here?” I asked. He smiled.

“There were shadows, Calla banished them,” he said. I smiled. “I went to your parent’s graves.” I looked at him. “I asked them to bring you back to me.” I exhaled. Gods, I love this man. Why isn’t it enough? “So he’s dead?”

“Yes,” I sighed.

“How does it feel?” He said. I shrugged.

“For you?” I whispered.

“I don’t know,” he admitted. “Relieved I guess.” I nodded. “Something’s wrong.”

“Not wrong,” I said, “well, I mean, Marina.” He nodded. “But, no it’s,” I kissed him. “I had a vision,” he exhaled.

“I see,” he said, “about me?” I nodded.

“And Tristan,” I sighed, “and Harran, and Eric.” He sighed.

“And what did these shadow visions of your lovers have to say,” he whispered.

“You were begging me to love you,” I exhaled. He nodded. “I want to, Prior,” I whispered, pressing my forehead to his. “I want to love you like you love me. I want to want to marry you and have your children and everything we’ve talked about.” He exhaled.

“But you don’t,” he murmured.

“No,” I whispered. He kissed me deeply.

“What if I don’t care?” He whispered. “What if I want you, all of it anyway?” I clung to him. My Prior, my cornerstone for the last few years.

“I can’t,” I whispered. “Gods, I wish I could.”

“If he hadn’t come back into your life,” he whispered, “do you think,” he drifted off.

“We’ll never know,” I said, realizing I was crying. “Because he did.” We left the rest unsaid. Because he knew. He always knows. He kissed me again, and we fell asleep clinging tightly to this, to the end. I woke up and he’d already gotten up to dress.

“I didn’t want to wake you,” he whispered and sat with me. “But I think I should go.” I nodded and carefully unclasped the necklace and handed it to him.

“Prior,” I said, “what will you do?” He sighed.

“The rangers,” he shrugged. “I can’t go back to Allred.” I nodded. “I’m yours to command, Your Majesty. I took a vow.”

“I know,” I said. He kissed my forehead for a long time. I eventually dressed and walked down to the room where Marina was being kept. She was awake but not talking, barely moving, staring out the window. “Did she sleep?” I asked Nika.

“A little,” Nika said, “Lefty went to get some broth.” I nodded. “She needs the sea, Annalise.” I exhaled.

“There’s a salt pond,” I mumbled, “Caleb built it as a tenth birthday present.”

“I’ll bathe her in that, it might help,” she said, “but it won’t be enough.”

“Brightcoast is too far,” I said. She nodded. “Dorin?”

“Mm,” she sighed, “do you want to rely on the Dumanis?”

“You don’t have to,” Carolina walked in, I looked at her. The vision of Tristan, talking about how he took her wanting me filled my mind. “Raniere said he’d helped however he could.” I exhaled.

“You can get word to him?” I asked. She sighed and seemed to be thinking it through.

“Yes,” she decided. “Through my sister, I was sending a letter out to her anyway.” I nodded. “A messenger who we trust to get to Dorin is harder to come by. William still isn’t back.” I exhaled.

“I’ll go,” Prior said. I hadn’t heard him come in. “Let me do this for you.” I nodded.

“Thank you,” I said, a lump in my throat. He nodded and left. Caro looked at me.

“It’s over?” She said. I nodded. “I’m sorry.” I nodded and wandered the house. The spots of my childhood haunting me, I was so tired, and I didn’t know what to do next. I walked past the back terrace and saw Eric standing looking at the mountain. I walked out to him.

“I still can’t believe you grew up here,” he sighed. “All these hills, and no real water,” I laughed. “I should begin my plans to go home.”

“Don’t,” I said softly. He smiled. “Please, just, stay, we’ll figure it out.” I stepped closer.

“What about Prior?” He asked and slipped carefully slid his thumb against my collar bone. I swallowed.

“There is no Prior,” I whispered, my heart was heavy with it. He cupped my face and kissed me gently.

“Alright,” he whispered. “I’ll stay.” I smiled. Thomas stepped out. I looked at him.

“I need to talk to you,” he said, his voice flat. Eric nodded and I followed him inside. “I waited for you last night.”

“Why?” I asked. He folded his arms.

“To hold vigil,” he said, “I understand you needed your rest but tonight,” I stared at him.

“Who are we holding vigil for?” I asked. “Everyone lived.”

“Not everyone,” he swallowed.

“You aren’t serious, Thomas!” I forget this about him sometimes, how serious he is about it, how devout.

“It’s important,” he said simply. “He was Dovetail, your family, your father’s,” his voice shook a little at that.

“He killed my father,” I shouted. To only speak of Anton in Caleb’s house felt wrong. “Fathers. Both of them, they’re now avenged and can rest. As for Brayton, let Amina keep his soul, I hope she tears it to pieces for eternity to punish him. He doesn’t deserve a vigil, to rest, to go to our family.” I went to march past him and he followed me. “Hold vigil if you want, I won’t stop you, but I won’t be a part of it.”

“He was Dovetail,” Thomas repeated. “You are Dovetail, Annalise.” I looked at him. “It matters.” I away. “Anton was with me, in the clearing, helping me fight.”

“He came to you, he came to Aaron,” I mumbled, “he was busy.” He looked at me. “I’ll do the stupid vigil, Thomas.”

“Thank you,” he walked out. Sun down came eventually and I walked out my the pond where Thomas has set a small altar and lit a candle. I frowned and knelt beside him. We were silent for about an hour. “You’ll thank me someday.”

“How many of these have you sat because of him?” I asked. Thomas looked at me.

“That isn’t the point,” he said softly. I sighed. “Either these things matter or they don’t, Annalise.” I frowned. “Brayton was a person. I hated him. I hated him long before his soul shattered, when he was just a sullen little twerp who looked at me like I was dirt because I didn’t have a title.” I smiled. “And he killed my dearest friend, my twin heart,” I swallowed. I’d never heard that phrase before. But I understood it immediately. “But he was a person, he had a soul, and that must be noticed, and honored.” He exhaled. “And he shared your blood, and Anton’s, and that matters too.”

“When he was in the dungeon,” I said, “and I would go see him, and we would talk, he said I’d been tamed.” Thomas looked at me. “That Caleb had leashed me, but that it was all still there. The Dovetail things, the temper and the intensity and the entitlement. The appetite,” I shook my head. “It made me so angry because he was right. Being here, with them, did soften me.”

“It made you different, certainly different from Anton, who was already different from your grandfather, thank the gods,” he shrugged, “but tamed you? You are not tame, Annalise.” I smiled. “You had to be more, have to be. Caleb understood that more than anyone. But in all the differences, you are so like your father,” he sighed, “to the point that it frightened me, at first.”

“Olivia says it all the time too,” I whispered. He nodded.

He exhaled and we watched the flame of the candle, and waited until the sun came up. “Brayton Dovetail, Lord of Shadows, May you rest.”

“May you rest,” I whispered after him. I looked into the flame of the candle and saw a scene, from a different thread. I stood holding Eric’s hands at our wedding my parents at my side and Brayton presided over us in Mastero’s robes.

What could have been, Rana’s voice sighed in my mind. What a waste. I felt a tear roll down my cheek, I was crying. For Prior, for my family, for my cousins, for what could have been.

Note: This is the first ever interlude that doesn’t have it’s character’s next step already defined by the story. But, for what comes next for everyone else, Karina’s similarities to Annalise really do need to be clear (they are ridiculously alike, as reading about her here will make clear, I hope.) There’s a reason why Rana wants them ruling the world together.

Karina

She stood nervously as they walked into the gates of Rastan Palace. She was wearing a simple black gown and her hair was tied back in a knot.

“You need to calm down,” her best friend, and official court companion Lady Katrin Lestoff said. Karina swallowed. “Kristoff invited you, he wants you here.” Karina frowned.

“It isn’t that,” she looked at her. “Doesn’t something feel wrong?” Kat frowned at her.

“It’s colder than any normal person would ever want to be,” Kat said. Her older brother, Damian, Lefty, coughed to cover a laugh. Karina sighed. “I thought you loved it up here.” They royal family walked out, all, well what felt like a hundred of them.

“I’ve enjoyed myself on my visits,” Lefty shrugged.

“Lefty!” One of the Princes walked over, “wonderful to see you.”

“And you, Your Highness,” he grinned.

“Oh,” Kat muttered. “Now I see.” Karina stifled a giggled.

“Prince Nikolai, may I present Princess Karina of Phania, and her companion, my sister, Lady Katrin Lestoff,” Lefty said. “Your Highness, Kat, may I present Prince Nikolai.”

“I hope you ladies enjoy your time here,” he said, taking each of their hands and kissing them. “My brother is glad you were able to come, Princess.” He stepped away with a wink. “Lefty.”

“Nicky,” Lefty sighed. “Maybe I shouldn’t have taken this assignment, I’m going to get into trouble.” Karina giggled.

“Nicky?” Karina said. Kat rolled her eyes.

“You’ve never been front row to Lefty’s antics before,” Kat said, “it’s amusing. Like watching a dog chase it’s own tail.”

“Lefty,” Princess Rila walked over, her ice blonde hair in an elaborate braid topped by a black mourning veil. “We weren’t expecting you.”

“Your Highness,” he took her hand.

“Her too?” Karina mouthed to Kat, who shrugged. Then he walked over. Karina swallowed. His light hair and blue eyes were perfect, just as she’s always imagined them.

“Karina,” he whispered.

“Kristoff,” she said. She wanted to throw her arms around him. “I am so sorry about your father, Your Highness,” he smiled gently.

“Thank you, Princess,” he said. “You came.”

“You asked,” she breathed out. Kat cleared her throat. “This is Kat, she’ll be following us.”

“Chaperoning,” Kat said sharply. “I don’t like it either.” Kristoff laughed.

“I’m glad to meet you, Lady Lestoff, I of course know your brother,” he said. Kat nodded. Karina took his offered arm. He was perfect, she realized, everything she’d wanted him to be. They had moved into the hall, Karina and Kat had been presented to Raniere, and on their way out, they bumped into a man with salt and pepper hair, and stormy grey eyes intercepted them.

“Your Highness,” he said. His accent was Cammadie. “It is our honor to have you in Rastan.”

Karina felt a chill go down her spine.

“I don’t know you,” she said softly.

“Princess,” Lefty was at her side, he met the man’s eyes. “Master Braga, I understand?” His voice had changed. “The King mentioned you. We’ll have to discuss Cammadan, you must miss it.”

“I don’t believe we’ve met,” this Braga said cooly.

“Captain Damian Lestoff,” Lefty said simply, “Princess, it’s been a long day.” She nodded and he pulled her out. Kat was already waiting in their suite. “You are both to avoid that man, do you understand me?”

“Lefty, you can’t just,” Kat started but the look on his face was so serious, she stopped. “Who is he?”

“That’s Brayton,” Karina said, “isn’t it?” Lefty nodded. “How is he here?”

“I don’t know,” he said. “How did you know?” Karina shook her head.

“I don’t know,” she whispered, “it just, I just knew. But also, his eyes. Eric talks about Annalise’s grey eyes.” He nodded.

“Dami,” Kat’s voice went soft, reverting to the name she’d called him when she was small. “Are you alright?” He swallowed. He wasn’t, he would tell them that he was, he would make some joke, and laugh. That was what Lefty did. But this time he didn’t.

“Look at me,” he said, “both of you. Eric and Daniel sent me to keep you safe, and that got a lot more complicated, knowing this, so please, just promise me, stay away from him, as much as you can.” They both nodded. “Karina, write to Raymond, assure him everything is alright, that you arrived safely.”

“Are you going to write to Duchess Marina?” Karina asked. He swallowed.

“No,” he whispered. “Anything we’re sending to Dovetail will likely be read, he can’t know that Marina,” he was shaking. Karina had never seen him like this. “He can’t know anything about her.”

That night Karina wandered across the suite to Kat’s room and curled up in bed with her.

“You can’t sleep either?” Kat said. Karina shook her head.

“What’s wrong with Lefty?” She asked. Kat sighed.

“Brayton tried to kill him,” Kat said softly. “Not even kill him, turn him into a shadow. Not to mention what he’s done to the Duchess over the years,” she sighed. “He’s going to be very protective.”

“Hm,” Karina curled into her friend. “Kristoff is very handsome.”

“You knew that,” Kat laughed.

“Yes, but I didn’t know how handsome,” she said. She paused. “You have to help me be alone with him.”

“Karina, no,” Kat groaned. “Especially not now, Dami’s going to be relentless.”

“Please,” Karina said, “Kat, please!” Kat sighed. “Please,” she pressed her face against her neck.

“Goddess, you’re annoying,” Kat sighed. Karina giggled. “Of course, I’ll help you.”

“Good,” Karina said, “and when I’m queen I’ll pay you back.”

“You have such a back log of favors, I think you’ll have to give me the throne,” Kat giggled.

The next few days were calmer, Lefty was acting somewhat like his old self, though the way the Rastanis were reacting to him made Karina remember that he’d changed a great deal over the past few years, but they’d watched it happen gradually, so it felt less shocking. He gave both Prince Nikolai and Princess Rila wide berth, which only made them more persistent.

“Karina,” Kristoff whispered to her, one night while they were sitting watching a dance performance. He was seated just behind her, “I want to show you something.” She looked at him.

“I’m enjoying myself,” she said. One finger traced against her shoulder, and she inhaled.

“I’m sure you are, lovely,” he said, “but I’m also sure we could be enjoying ourselves a great deal more.” She felt the heat rise into her cheeks. Kat looked at both of them sharply. “Are you enjoying the performance, Lady Katrin?”

“You’re both going to get into trouble,” Kat muttered, and Karina looked at her pleadingly. She sighed. “I think I could use some air,” she said a little more loudly, Lefty looked over at her. “Dami, it’s stuffy, we’re going for a walk.” He exhaled.

“Fine,” he mumbled. His eyes hadn’t left Brayton all night anyway. They stood up and walked out of the room where Kristoff was standing waiting for them.

“So,” Karina said, “what is it that you wanted to show me?”

“Have you seen the Ice Garden yet?” He asked. She shook her head. “Come on,” he took her hand and they rushed out to a courtyard. They were handed fur cloaks by footmen waiting. Kat trailed behind looking at the large ornate ice sculptures. “What do you think?”

“I think when we first arrived, Kat was right,” she pouted. “It’s too cold here.” He smiled and took her waist and pulled her close.

“Let me warm you up then,” he mumbled. She giggled as he kissed her, gently at first but it grew intense, quickly. “I’ve wanted to hold you for so long.” He whispered. “I know I’m not supposed to say that, I know we’re supposed to act like we haven’t always known we’d be together.” She looked up at him. “But Karina, I’ve loved you through our letters for as long as I can remember.”

“Kristoff,” she mumbled as he kissed her again. “I,” she said softly. “I love you too.” He smiled widely at her. “You’ll come back with us? When we go home?” He kissed her again.

“Darling, I want to,” he said, “more than anything, but it’s mostly up to Raniere.” She bit her bottom lip. Of course, just like her, he was subject to someone else’s will. Her to her father, him to his brother. She looked over her shoulder and saw a very annoyed Kat, standing far enough away for plausible deniability but not so far that they could truly slip away.

“I wish we could be alone,” she whispered.

“At some point we’ll go on a hunt,” he whispered. “And we’ll go to the lodges.” She looked at him. “It’s very easy to be alone in the lodges, Karina.” They kissed again. She didn’t know what that meant, but the idea of some sort of wood cabin, a roaring fire and Kristoff sounded absolutely amazing.

Karina was watching Lady Carolina Dugarry and Lefty carefully. The gossip about them had seized the entire court, and if she didn’t know better, she might even believe it. They made an excellent show of their flirtation, and Lady Dugarry in particular played her role as a bored and neglected wife, flattered by his attention, to perfection. It’s a role she’d watched her mother play many times to bring allies to her side. The number of men in Phania who claimed to have Queen Elana’s heart was probably countless. Playing it with Lefty was risky though, the Rastani seemed to love gossip, but Princess Rila in particular did not like her former lover’s new pursuit.

She understood why they were doing it though. Brayton was, even in his disguise, keeping his distance from Lefty. Their “affair” was keeping him away from Lady Dugarry as well.

“I suppose she’s used to Scandal,” Rila pouted as they sat in a sleigh one day.

“Rila,” Kristoff cautioned his sister. Karina looked at her.

“Well, I’m only saying,” she sighed, “her marriage was challenged, and there’s the whole business with her husband and Queen Annalise.” Karina looked at Kat.

“Queen Annalise and Captain Dugarry ended their affair years ago,” Kat said snappishly. “Before he even met Lady Carolina.” Rila laughed.

“Of course,” she said. “Publicly.” Kat scowled at her.

“Rila, I think Lady Katrin might have more intimate knowledge of the situation,” Kristoff said. Karina smiled at him as she snuggled into his side. “I don’t imagine the Queen deceived her brother.”

“My Uncle and Queen Annalise were very much in love,” I said, “he was heartbroken when my brother asked him to end the engagement. But our lives aren’t our own, and that can end badly, don’t you agree Princess?” Rila swallowed and looked away. It wasn’t even gossip that Rila despised her husband, a crony of her father’s twice her age and given to drinking and womanizing, merely a fact.

“There’s no reason to be cruel, my love,” Kristoff whispered in her ear before kissing her neck gently, but he was laughing. They were rushing off the hunting lodges for the night and in the morning they’d be after a stag. Karina was looking forward to it. The approached what looked almost like a children’s play village, about ten small wooden houses arranged in a circle. She understood what Kristoff had meant about how easy it would be to be alone here, as he lifted her from the sled to help her. His hands lingering on her waist. A footman helped Princess Rila and then Kat out. “I’ll find you tonight,” he smiled and kissed her. She grabbed Kat’s arm and squealed as they followed the footman to their small cottage. Karina giggled falling back against the bed.

“Karina,” Kat said seriously, “I know what you think is going to happen tonight but I think that maybe,” she exhaled. “I just think you should be cautious.”

“Why?” Karina said. “Kristoff and I love each other and we’re going to be married.” Kat bit her bottom lip.

“But you might not be,” Kat said softly, “we were just talking about it. Eric was sure he was going to marry Annalise and your father changed his mind. He could change his mind about Kristoff too. I just want you to be careful. I don’t want you to get hurt like my brothers did.” Karina went and hugged her friend.

“I already love Kristoff,” she said, “if it doesn’t work I’ll already get hurt. At least this way I’ll get to remember being with him, I won’t regret anything.” Kat nodded. “You’ve always said you wanted an adventure, but you’ve been so cautious since we left Phania.” Kat sighed.

“Where am I supposed to sleep?” Kat whined. Karina sighed, that was a difficulty.

“What about Caro?” Karina perked up. Kat rolled her eyes. “Oh, I’m sure she won’t mind.”

“It might blow her cover,” Kat pointed out. “I’m sure everyone expects her and Dami to spend every minute of this hunt together.” Karina looked down, Kat was saying without saying what they were both thinking. What if the affair wasn’t a lie? What if like her and Kristoff, Lefty and Caro had been looking forward to this opportunity to be alone together? “I’ll ask her,” Kat stood up and wrapped herself in her cloak and walked out. Karina smiled and giggled falling back against the bed. After dinner which was held outside in the middle of the circle of cottages over a fire, she adjourned to her cottage, and Kat went elsewhere. It was a few minutes before Kristoff slipped in the door.

“I told you it would be easy here,” he whispered. She giggled as he kissed her and they fell back against the bed. She lost herself in their touch and kisses, and as he made love to her, she felt the world melt away except for him.

The next day they all rode out into the woods, Karina spotted the stag, drew her bow, said a quick prayer to Rana and let fly. As it moved through the air she saw a vision, one that had been denied her for as long she could remember. She was kneeling before the High Mother on the steps of the palace in Vacana, and the Goddess’s Crown was being placed on her head. Kristoff stood to one side of her and Uncle Raymond the other.

The arrow struck the stag’s heart, and he fell. She understood then. There was a path for her, she just had to find it. Because what lay at the end was glory.

“It’s not unheard of,” Queen Elana of Phania said softly, her husband Daniel frowned, “There have been Chosen boys, your whole bloodline claims the title.” She was watching as her younger brother Raymond was standing on the beach moving waves.

“It’s different,” Daniel said. “Your brother is unsettling, Elana, even The Mothers say so.” She sat down.

“He’ll inherit Tumona,” she said.

“Well, we’re used to Tumona being peculiar,” Daniel smirked. She sighed. “And that doesn’t even address the…other part.”

“If you mean that Raymond likes boys, does it need addressing?” Daniel’s brother Eric was leaning against the door frame. Daniel sighed looking at him.

“Why are you here?” He muttered between clenched teeth.

“Am I supposed to be elsewhere?” Eric asked. “You haven’t sent me anywhere specific, and my mother is here.”

“We’re always happy to see you Eric,” Elana said diplomatically and walked over and kissed him on the cheek.

“Just you?” Daniel said. Eric sighed.

“Lefty opted to stay in the city,” Eric said, “I can’t imagine why, when he always gets such a warm welcome.” He looked down. “I need to talk to him.”

“Raymond?” Daniel said. Eric nodded. “Why?”

“I’ve been having these, feelings,” Eric shrugged, “about her.” Daniel stared at him.

“Who?” Elana said and then paused, “oh, her.” Eric nodded. “Are we sure she’s alive?”

“Reasonably,” Daniel said with a sigh.

“Anyway, I’m going to talk to Raymond about them, and then I will get out of your hair,” he kissed Elana on the cheek wand walked down to the beach. The younger boy looked over at him and smiled. “They’re up there worrying about you.”

“Imagine my shock,” Raymond said, “The Brothers said no again, I’m out of appeals.” Eric nodded.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “You could come on The Glory.” Raymond looked at him. “You hate it here, Raymond, I know that.”

“You had another vision,” Raymond said. Eric rolled his eyes. “What this time?”

“I could just be being nice to you,” Eric pointed out. This time Raymond rolled his eyes. “They aren’t visions, exactly, more like, feelings. Like she’s thinking about me, and I can hear her, and I know she’s just,” he sighed, “waiting.” Raymond nodded. “I don’t know what to do about it, I don’t know where she is, no one does.”

“She’s in Cammadan,” Raymond said, “somewhere green, probably The Midlands.” Eric looked at him. “Rana’s not likely to let us forget she’s out there. I know everyone thinks I’m crazy, but I Dream. And sometimes she’s there.” He sighed. “They found me and Randolph.” Eric exhaled. “They weren’t happy.”

“I’d imagine not,” Eric said. “But, a strong sailor like him, and a seer who knows how to actually do all the stupid ambassador stuff that Daniel is always making me do? That seems valuable from where I stand.” Raymond looked at him. “It’s a big world Raymond. You don’t have to spend your life in a place with people who don’t see you.” Eric looked at him. “If I had to guess, it’s Brightcoast and then Rastan next. We’d be glad to have you along.” He turned and walked back to the palace. Raymond sat on the beach and hugged his knees.

Later that night he took a deep breath and worked his way to the villa on the palace ground where Randolph Eres lived with his parents. He knocked on the door and Randolph opened it.

“Ray,” he said and stepped out onto the porch, “you probably shouldn’t be here.” He shut the door behind us.

“I know you’re technically six months from getting a posting,” Raymond said, “but Eric offered to put us on The Prince’s Glory.” Randolph raised his eyebrows. “I know it isn’t perfect, but we could be together and,” he looked down.

“This is real,” Randolph said, Raymond nodded. “Prince Eric wants us on the ship?” Raymond rolled his eyes and they took each other’s hands and started walking towards the beach.

“Eric likes to feel like the Goddess herself put him here to save people,” Raymond shrugged, “but it’s convenient. We’d go to Rastan and probably Cammadan too.” Randolph smiled and kissed him.

“Cammadan,” Randolph said. Raymond nodded. “We could be together there, really together.”

“I know,” Raymond said, “I could learn magic, real magic not just control like they teach here. And you’d be out of the navy proper, really sailing.”

“Under Prince Eric,” Randolph grinned, “And Damian Lestoff, it doesn’t get better than that.” Raymond glared at him. “He’s not my type, Ray.”

“He’s everyone’s type,” he muttered. Randolph kissed him gently. “You’re sure. I don’t think we can turn back from this.”

“No turning back,” Randolph nodded. “And this way I don’t have to tell my parents yet.” Raymond laughed and they kissed again. “What did your sister say?”

“Very little,” Raymond admitted, “I think if they acknowledged it, then they’d have to you know, acknowledge it, and she won’t.”

“I’m sorry, Ray,” Randolph said softly. “I wish we lived in a better world.” Raymond nodded and they kept walking.

A year later he sat on a dock in Rastan, when Lefty bounced over and sat next to him.

“Have you heard the news?” Lefty said and bumped his shoulder, “We’re off to Cammadan. Eric has to fulfill his destiny and woo Queen Annalise.” Raymond nodded. “You can be Mastero Quents! It’s a reason to celebrate.” Raymond laughed.

“And you’ll get to find out about Cammadie warrior women,” Raymond teased back. He wasn’t great about it yet, but he’d almost gotten the hang of taking the air out of Eric and Lefty’s sails. Lefty laughed. “How is he?”

“Worried,” Lefty said, “It isn’t as thought that’s difficult to understand. If I thought the Gods were genuinely counting on me wooing a girl I’d probably need to be locked in a dark room for a very long time.” Raymond smiled and nodded. “How are you doing?”

“Alright,” he said softly, “it isn’t exactly what I expected.” Lefty nodded.

“You know when Eric told me his plan to bring you on,” he said, “I told him there was no way you’d do it.” Raymond looked at him. “I’ve never been happier to be wrong.”

“Why didn’t you think I’d come?” Raymond asked. Lefty ruffled his hair and shrugged.

“Because you’re the little boy with his books and prayers,” Lefty said, “I can’t help that I’ll always see you that way.” Raymond smiled. “It never made sense to me why The Brothers wouldn’t take you.” Raymond snorted.

“I have this feeling that was always more about my sister,” he muttered. “They don’t like being seen as They Royal Family’s dumping ground.”

“Ah, that,” he grinned, “well, I think Brinecliff would have to challenge them for that particular honor. It is our distinction.” Raymond laughed. “Come on, Eric told Raniere that we’re leaving there’s going to be one last hunt.”

“Great,” Raymond said, “something new and different.” Lefty laughed and stood up, offering him a hand to help him up. He’d been more nervous than anything about spending much time in proximity to Damian Lestoff.

The man was impossibly handsome. And kind and charming. And Raymond felt almost no attraction to him. Being with Lefty and Eric was the easiest thing in the world. He grabbed his hand and pulled up.

It was a few weeks at sea and then a whole one of careful sailing down river to Dovetail’s large dug out harbor when they arrived at what had to be these least opportune moment possible. It was before dawn and they’d missed the coronation.

“It’ll be memorable at least,” Randolph had teased him.

“It’s disrespectful,” Raymond mumbled. “We should have left Rastan earlier.” But there they were, standing on the dock, a girl, who was clearly Phanian, and a boy, tall, and lanky, with reddish hair.

“Not quite the grand welcoming comittee,” Lefty muttered. Eric glared at him. “I’m only saying.”

“Is that her?” Eric said to him. Raymond shrugged. “Alright.” It wasn’t. Instead of was Duchess Marina SanPierre, and her smile was one of the most breathtaking things Raymond had ever seen. She was also, he realized, the most powerful person he had her been the presence of, and that included the High Mother of Vacana.

“I am very glad that’s over,” Eric said flopping on a couch in the richly appointed apartment they’d been sent to. Lefty was staring dreamily out the window and Raymond wrinkled his forehead. “You’re worried.”

“No,” he shook his head, “they’re powerful. Did you feel it?” Eric nodded, Raymond was glad of that. Eric wasn’t very gifted, but he had some intuition that pointed towards it. “The Duchess especially, astounding.” Lefty looked over at us.

“She is, isn’t she?” He said and sighed walking back over. “Did you see those eyes?”

“I don’t think Raymond is talking about the same thing, Lefty,” Eric said. “But yes, even I could feel how powerful she is and I don’t have your insights, and she’s very beautiful too.” He stopped. “They both are.”

“You have the queen, leave something for the rest of us,” Lefty said kicking Eric.

“I don’t have her,” Eric mumbled, “but knock yourself out with The Duchess. I have to go see about the crew.” He stood up and walked out.

“What are you going to do?” Lefty said, Raymond sighed.

“I should probably go to the temple,” he said. “We had a safe voyage. She likes to be thanked. Want to come?”

“To the temple?” He said. “And get drowned in my sleep for trouble, no thank you.” He kicked back. Raymond rolled his eyes and stood up. “Raymond,” he said, “is she dangerous?” he swallowed.

“I don’t know,” he said softly. “She’s powerful, but it doesn’t feel dark.” Lefty nodded and he left, asking the guards for directions to The Temple of Rana.

The walk was distracting, he kept noticing things, the kinds of things he’d never see on the street in Vacana. Two women being chased by a little boy shouting, “Mamas!” at them, a merchant boy handing another boy walking into an inn a flower. He entered the temple and was greeted by a Sister.

“You’re a stranger here,” she said with a kind and giving voice. He nodded. “I’m Sister Anya, welcome.”

“Thank you,” he said. At home he was one of only a few men welcome in the Temple at all. To be welcomed as a stranger felt exceedingly odd. “My name is Sir Raymond Quents, I’m a companion to The Prince of Phania, we just arrived I wanted to thank The Goddess for the safe voyage.” Sister Anya’s lips turned up in a smile.

“Of course,” she said, “there are several salt basins available.” She gestured to the alcoves surrounding the circular center of the temple. He nodded, mumbled a thank you and he went to a Salt Basin and gently waved his hands over it before losing consciousness.

“Oh well done!” A dark skinned woman was standing in front of him. “Really, you didn’t waste any time.”

“My Lady,” He nodded sagely. “Thank you for,” she waved her hands dismissively.

“Yes, yes, safe voyage,” The Goddess Rana sighed, “as if I would imperil my Sword’s Future Husband and one my own.” He blinked at her.

“If I’m Chosen then why,” he drifted off.

“Was it what you wanted,” she said softly, “to be a monk, shunted away and alone?” He swallowed. “I brought you home, Raymond. And I ask only that you stand at the side of My Sword.” He nodded.

“I will,” he said softly. She smiled gently at him. A smile that somehow reminded him of his mother and sister, but with more love and less indulgence.

“I haven’t had a High Priest in a while,” she said, “it might be fun.” He then lost consciousness again and came to, still standing at The Salt Basin in the temple. He closed his eyes and exhaled, realizing his life in Cammadan just got very very complicated.

Mercy Graves hurried quickly through the courtyard in the palace of Dovetail to the hedgemaze and through it to the center, where sitting calmly and serenely was Lady Marina Sanpierre. She was moving her hands over the water of the salt pond and it was rippling and rising up in small waves.

Marina was the closest thing to a friend Mercy had. There weren’t many people their age at the palace who weren’t in the guard. But she was also in awe of The Little Duchess. She was so small, and yet contained so much power. And she was beautiful, with her brown skin, and curled hair and quiet smile that so few people ever got to see.

Mercy knew that Marina would probably be Queen some day. Whether crowned in her own right because Princess Annalise was long dead, or as consort to Lord Brayton. It was good for her to be near her. Their friendship was productive. At least that’s what her father said.

“I’m sorry to interrupt,” she said. Marina looked over at her. “They’ve asked everyone to come to the hall.” Marina sighed.

“Oh, alright,” she said, “do you know why?” Mercy shook her head. Marina slid her arm through Mercy’s and they walked through the hallways. Mercy felt an electricity shoot through her.

“Something’s happened,” Marina said and slid her arm out and she started looking around. “No, they aren’t here.” Mercy swallowed and realized what, who, Marina meant.

The Dugarrys. General Thomas Martin.

“Lady Marina,” a girl from the guard walked over to her. She wasn’t a soldier, though, she was in blue not green. She was a healer. “Sir Tristan went to see his Uncle. He said to tell you that he’d see you at dinner.” She nodded.

“Thank you,” she said softly. “Is he,” she swallowed. “He’s alright?” Mercy rolled her eyes.

“He’s alright,” the healer girl said. “Lady Athena too. The General has been exiled.” Marina nodded.

“I should find my father,” she whispered. “Are you alright?” Mercy nodded.

“Of course,” she said, “always.” Marina squeezed her hands and disappeared into the crowd. The healer looked at her awkwardly. “That was kind of you. She worries about him.”

“He worries about her,” the guard girl smirked. “I don’t think either of them realize why though.” Mercy giggled. “I don’t think we’ve met. I’m Elodie.”

“Mercy,” she said and shook her hand. “You’re a healer, so you have magic?”

“Some,” Elodie said and they started walking. “Mostly though it just makes me better at my job. I can perceive things and move medicine through the body.” Mercy nodded. “What about you? You’re always with Lady Marina, do you have,”

“Oh no,” Mercy interrupted her, “no.” Elodie nodded. “We’re just friends, or friendly really.” She was blushing, she realized.

“Alright,” Elodie smiled. Someone called her name, “Duty calls.” Mercy nodded. “It was nice meeting you.”

“You too,” Mercy said as Elodie bounced away. Mercy swallowed, her throat dry. Only Marina had ever given her butterflies like that before. Surely it was because Elodie also had magic.

Elodie looked back over her shoulder at Mercy and smiled. She was pretty, with her red hair and her overly fashionable gown. She glanced around and notice Lady Athena standing with her fiance, Warren Davis. Davis was holding Athena’s face in his hands and she was nodding. Elodie swallowed and walked over to her.

“I’m so sorry my love,” she heard Davis say. “But you understand?”

“Of course,” she said softly and kissed him. “Go, I’m sure you have work to do.” He nodded and walked away. Elodie saw her friend’s face change to one of blind rage.

“Do we know it was him?” Elodie asked. Athena nodded. “I’m sorry, My Lady.”

“I know,” she said softly. “So is Tristan, and Martin. Everyone’s sorry, even Warren.” She sighed. “You may have to go to Camp. Are you ready?”

“I think so,” Elodie nodded. “It’s been a while. I’ve gotten used to things here, but change is always good.” Athena laughed darkly. “Lady Athena, if you need anything, please let me know.”

“I’m alright,” Athena said and walked out quietly. Elodie frowned and sighed walking out to the barracks. She flopped onto her bed and closed her eyes trying to sleep. But sleep didn’t come. She got up and quickly walked outside to the main courtyard.

There was some whispering from the people around but it was mostly silent. The barracks had been breached, Thomas Martin was branded a traitor. Nothing made sense.

Elodie frowned as she saw the moonlight streaming through the trees and saw Mercy sitting. Then she smiled in spite of herself. She’d always kept her distance from Court Ladies. They reminded her of the wealthy merchant daughters who came into her father’s inn when she was little, all softness and beauty disguising sharp edges and sadness.

But Athena wasn’t like that. She often reminded herself. And Athena was both, a noble lady and a wealthy merchant daughter in addition to the fiercest warrior in Cammadan. Still, Elodie made most of her friends in the guard and healer corp.

“We don’t have to choose,” Athena had shrugged, once when Elodie had asked her. “I’m not just one thing. No one needs to be.”

She walked over and Mercy looked at her and smiled shyly.

“Is it alright if I sit?” Elodie said. Mercy nodded and she sat. “It’s been a trying day.”

“I’m sure,” Mercy said softly. “My father says it’s a glorious one, traitors don’t deserve our sympathy.” Her hands were balled in her skirt.

“General Martin would sooner cut off his own head than betray Cammadan,” Elodie said defensively. Mercy looked at her. “I don’t mean to contradict you,” she said, “he’s been very good to me.” Mercy looked at her.

“I think my father is very afraid,” she said softly. “And he thinks Lord Brayton is safe.” Elodie nodded.

“And what do you think?” She asked. Mercy looked at her surprised, as thought no one had asked her that before. “You’re close with Lady Marina, aren’t you? Surely, that’s safer.”

“Marina isn’t,” Mercy stopped. “There aren’t that many other people to talk to. Besides which, she’s going to be Queen. Surely you’ve seen how Lord Brayton looks at her.” Elodie grimaced. They all saw how Brayton looked at The Duchess, like she was a skittish animal for him to tame and conquer. It was unsettling. “She’s lucky.”

“Do you really believe that?” Elodie asked. Mercy swallowed and looked at the healer.

She didn’t. Well, she believed Marina was lucky, because she was beautiful, had a father who loved her, friends like Tristan Dugarry and powerful magic. But not because of the attention Brayton gave her.

“I don’t know,” Mercy admitted softly. Elodie nodded and they locked eyes. “I wish you’d stop looking at me like that.” Mercy said.

“I’m not looking at you any way in particular,” Elodie said softly, and pushed a strand of hair behind her ear but then turned her gaze away. Then both girls laughed. “I like you.” Mercy looked at her. “You don’t have to say anything, but well, it’s not something a person hears everyday, so,” Mercy smiled blushed, turned to her and kissed her gently.

“I like you too.” Mercy said. Elodie smiled and they pulled close. She smelled good, like flowers and something sweet, and she was so soft. Mercy’s hands were tangled in her hair keeping them close, as Elodie slid her hands onto her waist. “I don’t normally do this,” Mercy whispered when they stopped for breath.

“You’re good at it for someone who doesn’t normally do it,” Elodie grinned.

The next few motnhs, Mercy found herself more often than not in Elodie’s small room in the barracks at night. She’d lied to her father, saying that she’d been asked to wait on Lady Marina, which of course thrilled him. She knew he’d never approve of Elodie, who was working class and firmly in the Anti-Brayton camp of officers.

But Mercy thought she was amazing. That night she giggled as they kissed pushing gently against one another.

“I want you,” Elodie said softly. Mercy smiled coyly and rolled onto her back. Elodie laughed and straddled her. “You’re too beautiful,” she mumbled.

“Do you want me or not?” She said and pulled Elodie’s shift over her head. The door opened then they both heard a throat clear and a low laugh.

“Lieutenant,” Lady Athena Dugarry was leaning against the door. “Mistress Graves.”

“Lady Athena,” Mercy said with an eyeroll, pulling her clothes back on.

“Elodie, I need to speak to you.” Athena said. “If you aren’t too busy.”

“Of course not,” Elodie said. “Mercy, I’m sorry.” Mercy held up her hands and kissed Elodie on her way out. “Knocking, a novel concept, My Lady.” Athena snorted.

“I don’t know what you see in her, but I am sorry I interrupted,” Athena sat down.

“I don’t know what you see in half the men you’re with so we’re even there,” Elodie sighed. “What is it?”

“Um, you’re being asked to help escort Lady Marina to Camp,” Athena said, “I chose you for the assignment Elodie, I don’t trust anyone else.” Elodie closed her eyes. A few months ago this would have been the best thing to ever happen to her. But that was before Mercy.

“Why aren’t you doing it?” She asked. Athena sighed.

“Tristan and I are escorting Countess Olivia home,” she mumbled. Elodie bit her bottom lip. Of course. Athena had leaked crucial Resistance details to Warren Davis. She’d be given lower priority missions right now. “Are you up for it?” Elodie nodded.

“What’s the cover story?” Elodie asked softly. Athena sighed.

“She’s going home,” Athena said, “to Brightcoast. To study with the sisters there.”

“You’re going?” Mercy said when they met up in the garden the next day. Elodie nodded. “But why, you’re a healer, not a guard.”

“I’m both,” Elodie said, “and studying with the sisters in Brightcoast is a big opportunity for me.” Mercy swallowed and plopped down on the bench. “I’m sorry, Mercy, it is only for a few months, though, I’ll be back.” Mercy turned her head to look away.

“It’s fine,” she said, “go, it doesn’t matter.” Elodie nodded and sat down with her. She pushed her hair to the side and rested her head on her shoulder. “I love you Elodie.”

“I love you too,” Elodie whispered.

Sitting in Camp after victory hadn’t been what Elodie was expecting. The Twins were with the Pantonas and Princess Annalise. And all she could think about was if Mercy had been evacuated. She took a deep breath and walked into the command tent.

“General,” she said softly, “do you know where the evacuees were taken?” Martin smiled at her. “There’s someone I should find.”

“Of course,” he said. They walked through the celebrating camp. “We can’t know if she left, Captain Willis.” Elodie swallowed, the new title felt awkward.

“I know,” she said, “if I have to find her in the city tomorrow I will, but,” she trailed off. She quickly scanned around the group of tents and the chaos of this area. It wasn’t organized like resistance camp. But she checked each fire until finally seeing Mercy sitting with her father, warming her hands. She made eye contact and smiled and stood up quickly running over to her and throwing her arms around her neck and kissing her.

“I knew it,” Mercy said through tears, “oh I knew you’d be here!” Elodie kept kissing her all over her face and laughing. “Elodie, is it true?”

“What part?” She swallowed and pulled back and looked at her.

“That Princess Annalise is here,” she said. Elodie nodded. “Gods,” Mercy exhaled. “Have you met her?”

“Yes,” Elodie said, “and I got promoted. I’m a Captain now.” Mercy laughed and stroked her face. “And I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you,” she whispered. “It’s crowded here,” she wrinkled her nose. Elodie laughed and took her hand and led her to the main camp.

“Elodie,” Marina walked out of the medical tent, “Mercy! Goddess!” She hugged her tightly. “Oh I’m glad you’re safe!” Mercy laughed and Elodie shrugged. “Oh! How silly of me. You two enjoy yourselves.” She winked and headed off.

“She seems,” Mercy cocked her head to side, “well different, I guess.”

“She’s changed a lot,” Elodie said as they walked into her tent. “You haven’t,” Mercy laughed and they kissed again falling back against the cot.

“You don’t know that,” Mercy giggled and then sighed as Elodie’s lips slipped to her neck. “I could have changed a lot.” Elodie laughed and unbuttoned her guard jacket.

“You still like that though,” Elodie whispered, sliding Mercy’s skirts up around her thighs. Mercy cooed happily. “And this,” she said and kissed her while sliding her hand inside of her.

“Mm,” she whispered, “yes, I do.”

After they’d finished Elodie buried her face in Mercy’s hair. That same smell from that first night in the garden, flowers and something sweet.

“Never go away for that long again,” Mercy whispered. Elodie smiled.

“If I do, you’re coming with me,” she said softly. Mercy smiled.

“That’s something I can definitely do,” she said, “I love you.” Elodie pressed her forehead to Mercy’s.

“I love you.”

Content Warning: This story contains references to and descriptions of Domestic Child Abuse. If you are aware of or suffering from Child Abuse, please contact your state CPS, (A list of United States CPS Agencies can be found at childwelfare.gov) or if you are in crisis contact the Crisis Text Line at 741-741

7 Years Before Crowning

Tom was pacing in the parlor, unsure what to do next. Trey was simply staring at him.

“Should we wake them up?” Tom asked. Trey shook his head.

“Let them sleep one more night not knowing,” he whispered. “Gods, my father, he’ll want them in Dorin.”

“They can’t go to Dorin,” Tom said, “Trey, Alexia made me swear, that they wouldn’t be pulled off the guard path. And besides which, they’re as much Dugarry as they are Dumanis. Dugarrys are in The Guard.” Trey frowned. “They can live here, can’t they?”

“Here?” Trey said. “Not the palace?”

“The Palace is no place from children these days,” Tom said, “I can’t even think, I need to,” he swallowed, “if he knew, if they knew, Trey, I have to go to Pantona.”

“I’m sure they have it under control,” Trey stood up. Tom looked at him. “She’ll send word, she always does.” Tom nodded but something felt wrong. John and Alexia were dead and had been for nearly a week and there hadn’t been word from Olivia. “We have to focus on the twins, you’re right about that. Athena is headstrong and stubborn already, and Tristan is sullen and quiet, without their parents, without their mission,” Tom’s heart suddenly broke, seeing his partner’s attempt to be strong. Trey had been close to his sister. He pulled him close.

“I know,” he whispered, “but I still have to,” he sighed. “I’m sorry,” he whispered and left quickly. He rode fast, through the flat land, stopping only to change horses and drink and eat a little, but he arrived at Pantona withing a few days.

“Tom,” Olivia exclaimed as he burst into the hall, she ran down the stairs and into his arms. “Oh I’m so glad to see you, we were so worried, is it true?” He nodded and burst into tears finally. She pressed her face into his chest. “Poor John, and Alexia,” she swallowed, “oh and those children, Tom, are they with you? Do you need,” he shook his head.

“They’re with Trey,” he said softly. She nodded and they walked into another room and sat down. “But you’re safe?” He cupped a hand against her cheek.

“Yes,” she said softly. “As is my son, and,” she stopped as a little girl came running in. “Lisette, please give us a moment.”

“Of course, Countess,” she said and curtsied gently, “sir,” she whispered to him and then pitterred out.

“Gods,” he whispered, “it’s like seeing a ghost.” Olivia smiled softly. “But you haven’t seen anything? No one has come or reached out?”

“No,” she said softly, “we’re safe.” He exhaled. “Your probably passed my husband on the road, he was going to make sure the twins and Lady Marina were safe.” He smiled. He’d never expected to grow fond of Caleb Pantona, but he had over the years. “Trey won’t be happy you came here.”

“Because it’s you?” Tom said. Olivia laughed.

“Partly,” she said, “and partly because she was his sister.” He nodded. “You must be exhausted, I’ll get a room set for you. Do you want to see the children?”

“No,” he said, “I’ll sleep and get back. You’re right, he’ll be furious.” She laughed and he touched her face gently, “I just had to see you, I couldn’t,” he choked on some tears. She nodded.

“I know,” she said softly, “I was frantic too, it’s why Caleb went. I can’t, but well,” he nodded and then kissed her softly. “Tom,” she whispered and pulled back, “no.” He sighed and looked down. “I’m sorry, I thought you understood.”

“No, I do, I shouldn’t have,” he sighed, “it would be easier, sometimes, if I didn’t. Then I could have gone on being angry at you.” She smiled and took his hands. “I wish so badly that I didn’t love you anymore, Livvie.”

“Oh, Tom,” she sighed, “I don’t think you do. I think you loved me when I was seventeen, and you love that idea. I love it too. There are plenty of times when I wonder, if,” she sighed, “we’ll always have a maybe, between us. But you have Trey, and now you have to be there for Tristan and Athena. They’re wonderful children, but this will be so hard on them.” He took her hand again and kissed it gently.

“No,” he whispered, “it’s not the idea of it, but that’s there, I love you, I think I always will.” She nodded.

“Mother,” a boy walked in, he was clearly awkwardly between boyhood and manhood, but tall, a little gangly. Tom hadn’t seen Aaron Pantona since he was a small child. The resemblance to Caleb was obvious, but there was more of Olivia in his face than he’d realized. “Lisette said we had a guest, I thought I should say hello.” Olivia sent him a crooked smile.

“Of course,” she said, “General Thomas Martin, may I present my son, Viscount Aaron Pantona.” The small Viscount bowed and Tom smiled.

“Your Grace,” Tom said standing up and extending his hand. Aaron took it and shook it enthusiastically. “If you’ll both excuse me, I think I ought to go to the inn.”

After arriving back in Dovetail, Tom walked into the house and was immediately blindsided by a tumble of blonde curls tackling his stomach.

“Where were you?” Athena Dugarry looked up at him, her green eyes flashing in anger. “Aunt Brie said we have to go to Dorin and I won’t! They can’t make me. I know that we can’t stay at the palace anymore with Mama and Papa gone, but I won’t go to Dorin!”

“Thena,” he sighed, “you do not have to go to Dorin. Where is your brother?” Tristan was sitting at the dining table and looked up at him. “Come along, and sit,” Athena obeyed, though she looked unhappy about it. The twins identical faces and hair, so like John’s, looked back at him. “I want you both to know first of all that you will always be safe. I won’t let any harm come to you.”

“We know that, Sir,” Trsitan managed, “but we don’t want to leave Dovetail, we told Uncle Trey that and,” he swallowed what was likely a very large sob.

“Good,” he whispered. “And Tristan, Athena,” he took one hand each, “I need you to be brave, I swore to your mother that I would take care of you and I take it very seriously. I’m going to speak to your grandfather and settle things. You are not going to Dorin, not if you don’t want it, and if you do want it, you won’t go without me.” He stood up and Tristan joined him and hugged him tightly. After releasing the boy he saw Trey waiting in the hall.

“How is she?” He asked.

“Coping,” Tom said softly, “thank you, for not just sending them.” Trey shrugged. “I know it’s hard for you to stand against your family Trey, I’m always grateful.” Trey nodded.

“You were right that it wouldn’t be what Alexia and John would want,” Trey said. “Caleb Pantona talked me out of it. He pointed out it would play into Brayton’s hands, and that you’d never forgive me for it.” They both laughed. “I loved my sister Tom, I love you, I couldn’t do something that would cause you so much pain.”

“I know that,” he said, “I shouldn’t have run off, it isn’t fair to you, to them, to whatever it is we’ve had for the past twelve years.” Trey smiled. “But there’s something in me, Trey, I love you, but whenever something goes wrong, in my guts, it’s her.”

“I’ve noticed,” Trey muttered. Tom frowned. “It can’t be like that now. Not with Athena and Tristan with us.” He nodded.

1 Year Before Coronation

“What do you mean she won’t go?” Brie DuCray exclaimed. Trey sighed. “She’s sixteen, she’s a member of this family, she will go to Dorin and be presented.”

“Brie,” Trey said, “if I had any measure of control over Athena don’t you think she’d be in this house rather than in the barracks and I wouldn’t be arguing that she shouldn’t marry that idiotic Davis boy.”

“She’s not marrying him,” Brie said, “Goddess, Father would lose his mind. We can do better.” She sat down. “Alex is cooling on the DuKarras girl.”

“No,” Trey said. “That won’t help anyone.” Brie frowned and the door burst open, Tristan walked in, his face red and flustered. “Tristan this is not a good time.”

“I’m sorry,” he said, “Hello Aunt Brie.” She nodded at him. “I just, the Black Guards came to the Barracks.” Trey walked over and took his shoulders. “I’m fine, Athena is fine.” Brie looked at her brother.

“Why were they there?” Trey said. “Tristan?” He swallowed.

“Martin’s been exiled,” he said. Brie closed her eyes and exhaled. “They know he’s leading the Resistance.”

“Living Gods,” Brie whispered. “But you two?” Tristan shook his head. “I have to tell Drea.” Trey nodded and Brie left. Tristan swallowed.

“He got away safely?” Trey whispered. Tristan nodded. “And you and your sister are both alright?”

“Yes,” Tristan said and collapsed. “He told me to come to you, well, us, but Athena,” Trey stopped.

“Davis?” He said. Tristan nodded. “Goddess.” Trey muttered. “I need to see him.”

“He’s gone already,” Tristan said, “he gave me a letter.” He handed it over.

“Where did he go?” Trey asked. Tristan shrugged. “You don’t know?”

“We’re too close to Brayton these days,” Tristan said, “I don’t know where Camp is. But I’m sure it was to Camp.” Trey nodded.

“Why are you so close to Brayton these days?” Trey asked. “Surely there are more useful places for you to be.” And safer. He thought to himself.

“We need to stay close,” Tristan said quietly, “Lady Marina, well.” Trey sighed. He’d seen though never met the “Little Duchess” as she was called. And Tristan talked about the girl enough. “He’s taken an interest in her.”

“I see,” Trey frowned. “It’s a practical move. Brightcoast is large territory. And she’s the heir, after The Princess.” Tristan nodded. “Don’t stay too long, if they’re looking for you, you should be wherever you’re supposed to be.” Tristan nodded and Trey hugged him close. “Stay safe, my boy, please. I couldn’t take it,”

“I know,” Tristan whispered and left swiftly. Trey opened the letter.

Trey,

Know that no matter what comes next for me, I will love you always. Please look after them while I’m gone. I can’t stand the idea of the three of you alone.

Love,

Tom

Coronation Ball

Countess Olivia Pantona smiled sadly looking over the goings on at the large ball. They were so young, and there was so much still to be done.

“Countess,” Trey Dumanis walked over to her holding two glasses of sparkling wine. “If you’ll permit me.” She smiled and took it.

“Thank you, Master Dumanis,” she said softly. “I understand we owe you some thanks. It all would have been more difficult without you.” He smiled and looked down.

“You know better than most,” he said, “how difficult it is to say no.” She smiled. “I am sorry about your husband. Caleb was a good man.” She swallowed and nodded.

“Yes he was,” she said and nodded towards Aaron who was dancing with a laughing Athena. “It seems we’re going to be family soon.”

“Yes,” he said, “my father couldn’t be happier.” She laughed.

“I can imagine,” she said, “he may find Aaron less pliable than he’d like however. Like a good country boy he has a skeptical view of The Guilds. He’s seen a few tenants get fleeced.” Trey smiled.

“Of course,” he said and glanced across at where Tom was standing. “It’s strange, having him back.” Olivia smiled at him coyly.

“Is he back?” She raised her eyebrows. Trey looked at her. “I am in mourning, Tristan, you have nothing to fear from me.”

“Olivia, you were married for thirty years and it didn’t matter to him,” Trey shook his head. She sighed. “I know you never encouraged him, it’s only, I spent most of my life in second place. I can’t keep at it until I die.” She nodded and raised her eyebrow again.

“You didn’t answer the question,” she smiled.

“He was,” he admitted, “just the once.” She giggled happily. “You’re behaving like a child, by the way, not a dignified dowager.”

“With Alexia gone, someone needs to tease you, your other sisters have always been useless at it,” she said. He smiled. “I never wanted to be between you two.”

“I know that,” Trey said softly. “You still are though.” She nodded.

Pantona

The burial had been harder than Tom expected, though he remained in awe of Olivia, she’d barely cried. He thought back to the night in camp, when he’d stopped himself from going to her, despite hearing her wailing. It’s why he’d come today even if it was not the most sound judgement.

Tenants had been coming in and out of the manor all day, and now it was quiet, he, Les and Olivia sat quietly in the parlor. Aaron had gone to the study with William Santino, “getting hideously drunk, most likely,” Livvie had said mischievously.

“You’re sure of that?” Les asked. She sighed and put her feet up on ottoman.

“It is the usual outcome when Aaron and William spend any amount of time together,” she said with a soft smile. Tom looked at her. “Granted it isn’t usually here, it’s at the inn, but still.”

“Why not here?” Tom asked. She sighed.

“Caleb didn’t really approve,” she said, “not of William, he liked him, but of Aaron’s, other activities in the area.”

“Farm girls,” Les laughed, “kitchen maids,” Olivia nodded. “The odd merchant girl if I recall correctly.”

“Precisely,” Olivia sighed. “No man will respect a lord who’s bedded his and half his neighbor’s wives.” Tom snorted. “He was so happy about Athena, Tom, really.”

“I know,” Tom said softly. “We’re happy too, really. But I worry about her, she can be rash.” Les smiled softly.

“She’ll settle,” he said, “all of them have endured so much. I hope peace suits them.” He paused. “I hope it suits us at that.” Olivia reached out and took his hand and squeezed it. “I think I need to sleep. Thank you for this, Livvie. It helped.”

“I’m glad,” she said, “I know I’m not Caleb, but I am here.” He smiled and nodded at Tom before leaving. “He might miss him more than I do.”

“He’s always been sentimental,” Tom said, “and being so isolated these past sixteen years couldn’t have helped.” She nodded and he walked over to her. “Do you miss him?”

“Yes,” she said. “I think I will more now, it’s been so busy.” She stretched. “But he’s at rest, and Aaron will be married and I can rest, and see my grandchildren when they come.” She sighed and looked at him. “You will be here?” She asked. He looked at her.

“If I’m wanted,” he said.

“Athena will want you here,” she said softly. He smiled.

“That isn’t what I meant,” he said, “and you know it.” She sighed and stood up, he took her hand as she passed him. “Livvie,” he whispered.

“Tom,” she sighed. “This isn’t what I thought would happen,” he nodded. “What about Trey?”

“There isn’t anything with Trey,” he said. She frowned. “I thought, maybe we could try again, but there’s too much hurt, too much change.”

“Oh,” she looked away. “And if I’m not ready?” He nodded.

“I understand,” he said, “but are you not ready, or not interested?” She looked at him and sighed and knelt down between his legs and pressed her forehead to his.

“I love you,” she said, “I’ve always loved you. It’s changed and grown so much.” He inhaled. “I can’t lose you too, Tom. It would be too much to bear. Anton and Marie and Anne and Alexia and John and then Caleb. If we try this and it doesn’t work out,” she swallowed. “I can’t lose you.”

“You won’t lose me,” he said softly, “don’t you think you would have be now?” She kissed him and pulled close. He lifted her up by the waist and carried her upstairs to her room.

When they’d finished and lay quietly together Tom gently traced a few scars on her back. They were new, or at least new to him. They hadn’t been there when they were young.

“What are these from?” He asked. She rolled over.

“My father,” she said softly. He stared at her. “It started just hitting me when I was disappointing, but when Anton announced his engagement, I required serious correction,” he exhaled.

“How didn’t I know?” He asked.

“I hid it,” she said, “I was embarrassed. Anton didn’t know either. John did. Caleb guessed, it was how we became close at first.” She exhaled. “It was a long time ago.” He kissed her deeply.

“You didn’t trust me?” He asked.

“No,” she sighed. “It’s hard to explain, I trusted you, but I also didn’t think you would accept my weakness. Of course it wasn’t mine, it was his, but,” she sighed. “When I lost my first baby,” she said, “I was terrified that Caleb would hate me, too, the same way my father did. But he was always so kind, and gentle.” Tom swallowed.

“How may were there?” He asked. “I remember the two others you carried.” She sighed.

“Five,” she said, “three before Aaron, two after. The two who died in their cradles, Mara and Joseph, they were the hardest. The others never even quickened, poor things.” She looked at him. “Do you regret not having children?” She asked. He laughed.

“Sometimes,” he said, “but I have the twins.” She nodded. “But if you mean do I regret spending my life with Trey, I don’t think I ever could, unless of course it meant I got to spend it with you.” She cooed softly and kissed him. “Did you know Annalise asked me if I was in love with Anton?” Olivia burst out in a laugh.

“Really?” She said. He nodded. “Were you? I feel like I would have noticed, I was very jealous. Of both of you.” He grinned.

“No,” he said, “I loved him, and if he’d wanted me I don’t think I could have denied him, but it was never that way.” She nodded. “Besides, I only had eyes for you for quite a while.” She smiled. “What do we do now?”

“Is it alright if we don’t know?” She asked. “I have a wedding to plan, and the gods knows what’s happening with Lisette.” He laughed.

“I sent Tristan into the Lion’s Den,” he muttered, “because the gods knows what’s happening with Lisette.” She laughed. “And I’m in no rush to explain it to Trey.” She smiled and they kissed again before snuggling into one another and falling asleep

Content Warning: This story contains references to and descriptions of Domestic Child Abuse. If you are aware of or suffering from Child Abuse, please contact your state CPS, (A list of United States CPS Agencies can be found at childwelfare.gov) or if you are in crisis contact the Crisis Text Line at 741-741

30 Years Before Annalise Is Crowned

Dovetail

“What do you think of her?” Olivia Bano said, sitting in the corner of the reception room as Marie SanPierre, the new girl from Phania was standing dear the Royal Family’s dais talking to Prince Anton.

“I think you are much prettier than she is,” John Dugarry said quickly.

“I have you too well trained,” she narrowed her eyes at him. He shrugged. “Look at how Anton is looking at her.” She sighed.

“Your father isn’t here you don’t need to pretend,” John said inspecting his nails. “Run along and make love with Tom in a closet or whatever it is you two have been up to for the past few months, I have to make sure this Phanian girl isn’t carrying poison.” She whacked him in the arm. “Ow!”

“How did you know about Tom and me?” She hissed. He laughed.

“It is the worst kept secret at court, Livvie,” he said. She frowned. “Before you ask of course Anton knows.” She sighed. “You didn’t really want to be Queen?”

“No” she said, and then sighed, “I mean a little, but it’s Anton, every time he touched me I just wanted to giggle and not in the good way.” John snorted.

“I can see that,” he said. “Your father doesn’t know.” She inhaled and looked at him. “But he’ll figure it out soon Livvie.”

“And I will handle it,” she said. He sighed. “I will. I always do.”

“I won’t cover for you this time,” he said. She looked down. “Anton won’t stand for it. Tom won’t.” He swallowed. “I shouldn’t.” He looked down. She stared daggers at him.

“He is my father,” she said. “He loves me and wants what is best for me.”

“What’s best for you is not both you eyes blacked and not being able to sit down for a week,” John said. She frowned. “Come to Dorin with Tom and me. You can enlist in the guard!” She rolled her eyes.

“I am not joining the guard and I am not leaving court to go to Dorin,” she said. “I’ve never understood this obsession of yours.”

“I am marrying according to my family’s cultural traditions,” he said. “And also I like Alexia, from her letters.” Olivia shrugged.

“If you say so,” she said.

“Lady Olivia,” A tall young man with auburn hair almost the same as hers walked past. “Sir John.”

“Viscount,” she blushed and curtsied gently. John bowed and then scowled at her. “Are you very happy that Lord Lestat has returned?”

“I have missed him,” Caleb Pantona nodded. “And his sister is a lovely girl, don’t you think?”

“Oh, I haven’t gotten to speak to her yet,” she giggled. “But I look forward to getting to know her.” The Viscount smiled and moved along.

“What was that?” John asked staring at her.

“Nothing,” she said and pushed her hair behind her ears. “He asked my father for permission to court me. It’s very common out in the country apparently.”

“I didn’t mean the Viscount panting at you, trust me I recalll that. ” he said, “I meant you encouraging it.” She rolled her eyes.

“Lady Olivia,” Tom Martin, his dark blonde hair cropped short and his guard uniform crisp. Olivia melted as they met eyes.

“Captain Martin,” she smiled. “John.”

“Trouble,” John muttered and took a big gulp of his drink as they took one another’s hands and slipped away. “Both of you.” Olivia stuck her tongue out at him as they slipped away into an empty room. He pulled her close and kissed her.

“Don’t go to Dorin,” she whispered. He laughed.

“It won’t change anything,” he said softly, “and I gave John my word.” She nodded. “I’m in love with you, Livvie.” She smiled.

“So stay with me,” she said. He kissed her again. “Please.” He sighed and slipped his hand through her hair.

“I promised,” he said softly. “Besides which, you have other commitments too.” She looked down.

“If you mean Anton and me, it isn’t anything,” she said. “I want you, I’ve only ever loved you.” He smiled and kissed her and she drew him back to a couch.

“I only love you too,” he said softly. She swallowed and nodded. She didn’t know if she believed him. Tom’s love felt unsettled. But his touch, and kiss were intoxicating, the feeling of him inside of her too good. And he was Tom.

He was handsome and brave and kind and adored her. Her father wouldn’t be happy, he wanted a grand match for her. But she would figure it out.

Dorin

Tom was trying not to laugh as John paced back and forth in the very large and ornate receiving room of the Dumanis House in Dovetail.

“I think the summer palace is smaller than this room,” Tom said. John glared at him. “Your in laws, are clearly wealthy, congratulations.”

“You’re supposed to be helping me,” John groaned, “this is not helpful.”

“Sorry,” Tom said, “how can I help? I could ask Jeremy to sell a farm so that I can give you a proper gift.” John looked at him and laughed.

“I am in so over my head,” he groaned. “Have you heard from Livvie?” Tom nodded.

“Mm,” he nodded, “Anton is in love with Marie Sanpierre. She is devastated.”

“I’m sure,” John said.

“Drea, what exactly is the big emergency,” a boy about their age bound into the room. Tom stared at him. He let out a laugh from his throat, “you’re not Drea.”

“No,” Tom said and stood up, “I’m Tom Martin this um,”

“John Dugarry,” The boy sighed, “I forgot that you were coming today. I’m Tristan DuManis, Trey, they call me Trey.” John nodded.

“Nice to meet you,” John said, “is your sister coming? Anytime soon?”

“Lexi?” Trey said. “Did you let her know you were coming about six hours ago?” Tom laughed.

“Trey,” a girl walked in, “stop it.” John looked over at her. Tom smiled, “I’m sorry for keeping you waiting, my father, and my sisters,” she exhaled. “I’m Alexia.”

“John,” Tom said, seeing his friend standing slack jawed. She was beautiful. Blonde hair and green eyes, and she was dressed in a green gown that was clearly designed to invoke the guard uniform. A nice touch. “This is the part where you talk.” Trey laughed from the corner and Tom smiled at him.

“I’m John,” he said softly, “and it’s nice to finally meet you.” She smiled.

“And this is the part where we leave,” Trey stood up. “Good luck.” Tom laughed and followed him out. “She hasn’t eaten in a week.”

“He may have caused more damage to his weapons than good with how much he was cleaning them on the ride,” Tom shook his head. “I suppose you’re next?”

“For the marriage market?” Trey asked. Tom shrugged. “No, I’m not,” he shook his head. “I don’t, not with girls, anyway, and the contracts don’t really allow for,” Tom smiled.

“I understand,” he said. “And it’s good to know.” Trey smiled back at him.

“I should let my father know that I’m here,” Trey said pointing in the general direction fo the hall. “Nice meeting you.” He walked away.

“You too,” Tom smiled. Then he exhaled. “What am I doing?” He mumbled.

Dovetail

“So that’s it then?” Tom stared at Olivia, “you’re going to marry him, throw it all away?”

“Throw what away?” She said calmly, her brown eyes full of tears. “Throw away you and Anton glaring at each other over dinner, while everyone pretends not to notice? Except he’s moved on too. Throw away you spending most of your time with Trey Dumanis and acting like I don’t notice the way you look at each other.” He looked away. “Throw away you leaving for six months? I love you, I do,” she whispered, “but you were gone.”

“Your father must be pleased,” he muttered. One last arrow, the only one left. She swallowed.

“He is, actually,” she said softly. “I love you, Tom. I’ve always loved you and I always will, but Caleb loves me. He’s a good man, and he’ll take care of me.”

“I love you,” he whispered. “I’ll take care of you.” He stepped closer and cupped her face. “Livvie,” he said and kissed her.

“You didn’t deny it,” she whispered. He looked at her. “You and Trey.”

“He’s a boy with a crush, Livvie,” he sighed. “It will pass. I’m yours.” She shook her head.

“You’ve never been mine,” she said. “And I’m tired of pretending.” She turned around and left.

Later that night Tom sat quietly on the steps outside of The Barracks, the large building where most of The Royal Guard lived. He’d thought he’d be leaving it soon. Married officers took homes, his brother had offered him a place on his land.

“There you are,” Alexia Dumanis practically skipped over. Tom smiled. He’d become very fond of her. He didn’t have sisters but he imagined if he did he’d care about them how he did Lexi. “You had promised not to abandon us. Instead Trey and I have been stuck at dinner with all those stuffy nobles.”

“I’m sorry,” he said softly. “Where’s John, I believe that’s his job really?” She sat beside him.

“John is with Prince Anton,” she said, “planning Lady Marie’s security.” He nodded. “How was your evening?”

“Lady Olivia is getting married.” He said softly. Alexia nodded. “I shouldn’t be surprised, I left for six months.”

“I’m sorry,” Alexia said, “I imagine you love her very much.” He looked at her and nodded. “She’s very beautiful. I can’t say I’m too upset though. I would be very happy to call you brother.” He laughed.

“Am I that blind?” He asked. She smiled slyly.

“Trey is cautious, and Papa thinks you’re a menace, but if you don’t see it then, yes, Tom Martin, you are blind.” She kissed him on the cheek. Tom nodded. He stood up and walked out of the palace and down the market to the large and ornate townhouse that The Dumanis family had recently purchased. He stepped in the front door and turned seeing Trey sitting in the parlor.

“What are you doing here?” Trey asked quietly. “Aren’t you supposed to be with Lady Olivia tonight?” Tom nodded. “So, why aren’t you?”

“I want to try something,” Tom walked over and kissed him gently. Trey lit up and they pulled close. “Alright, good, then, that’s good.”

“Do you have any idea how long I’ve been waiting for that?” The younger boy smiled. Tom grinned back at him.