Note: We need to talk about Brea. I love writing “mean girls,” I love digging into their hearts and hurts and insecurities. And Brea, well, like with everyone, it’s complicated. Also, this is a long one.

She sat at their table, which was a place of honor, she reminded herself, and tried not to pout. This feast was supposed to be celebrating that Chieftan Marcus’s oldest son, Harran was home from a long trip to Cammadan.

“You’d been looking forward to this” Brea’s sister Nika said, pinching her gently. “Why are you in such a bad mood?” Brea frowned.

“He won’t even look at me,” she said. Nika plucked one of the flowers out of a vase on the table and stuck it behind her sister’s ear. She picked up a cup and sipped on the beer that had been poured. The feasts at the border keep were always loud and a bit wild. She and Nika were allowed to come only under their mother’s watchful eyes. She sighed. “Did I do something wrong?”

“Of course not,” Nika said and rubbed her arm, but Brea shook her head. She was prettier than ever, she’d thought, after the summer, and she’d turned sixteen and started wearing her long black hair down her back rather than covering it in a veil like her mother and sister. But Harran had granted her a kiss on the hand and a pleasant but indifferent greeting. Not the reaction she was hoping for.

“I need some air,” she stood up and walked out to the courtyard and tried not to cry.

“Lady Brea?” Prince Rian walked out. She swallowed and looked at him and squared her shoulders and smiled sweetly. “Are you feeling well?” Rian resembled his older brother, but he was slighter, and a bit darker, he simply took up less room.

“It was hot,” she lied, “I needed to get air.” He smiled.

“My brother takes up a great deal of it,” he said. She looked at him. “Air, I mean.” She nodded. She didn’t want to lead Rian on, he was nice enough, and she knew their parents supported the match between them, but she wanted Harran, she loved Harran.

“I suppose so,” she said. “You must be happy he’s home.” Rian shrugged.

“My father is,” he said, “and it means I get to go to Rastan for the winter.” She nodded. “Brea,” he said, “you should know,” before he could finish, thank the gods, Harran walked out.

“Rian, there you are,” he said. “Lady Brea,” he bowed lightly.

“Your Highness,” she said, and dipped a curtsey, her eyes not leaving his. Look at me, she begged inwardly, wondering if her power could maybe pull him to her. “We’re glad to have you home.” He smiled gently at her.

“Thank you,” he said, “your family honors me with you presence.” She smiled.

“Did you enjoy your time in Cammadan?” She asked. He smiled.

“I did,” he said. “I was sorry to leave,” she nodded. “The Count of Pantona and his family were very good to me.”

“His family?” She asked. “I thought he only had a son.”

“There’s a girl too,” Harran said cheerfully, “his natural daughter some people think, or just a war orphan, they didn’t say. Lisette.”

“Harran,” Rian said, trying to stop him, but it was too late, Brea had already seen the look on his face.

“Oh,” she whispered. That was what Rian was going to tell her. Harran was in love. With some Cammadie farm girl. “Leaving her must have been difficult.” He smiled. He didn’t see, he didn’t see at all, her heart had just cracked in two.

“It was, yes,” he said.

“Harran,” Rian said, breaking whatever revelry his brother had entered. Harran looked at him. “You were looking for me.”

“Right,” Harran said, “Father wanted to speak to you.” Rian nodded and they walked back inside. Brea sat down and looked up at the moon.

Nearly a year went by, their usual rhythm of coming and going from the keep, stayed. In the spring, Rian returned from Rastan and gave her a pearl bracelet which she accepted with a smile.

“It’s beautiful,” she said as he slid it on her wrist.

“Princess Rila suggested it, when I asked a what gift to bring you,” he said, shyly. She smiled. “Brea, I think we should talk.” She pressed her lips into her mouth.

“If you like,” she said. She looked inside the hall and saw Harran sitting with a few other people. “Rian, this was very thoughtful,” he smiled sadly.

“But no thank you?” He said. She nodded. “You can’t say I didn’t try.” She laughed. “My brother is a fool,” she sighed.

“I wish it was you,” she said, “it would make everything easier.” He smiled. But she’d made her decision. She’d made it months ago.

That night before dinner was over she slipped out and into Harran’s chamber. She undressed and lay in the bed, and waited. The door opened and then she sat up.

“Brea?” He asked, clearly confused. “What are you doing here?” She smiled and let the blankets drop off of her. “Brea,” his voice was soft, but a little frustrated. “You should go.”

“I don’t want to,” she said softly. He picked up her robe with a sigh and sat down to cover her. Instead she leaned close and kissed him.

“Don’t do that,” he said and guided her away. “Rian,” he started.

“I don’t want Rian,” she whispered, “I want you, I’ve only ever wanted you.” He looked at her. “You must at least think about me,” she slid his hands to her waist. “Enjoy seeing me?”

“You’re very beautiful,” he was still talking so carefully, so gently. “You know that. But this isn’t,” she kissed him again. This time he bent to her more. “Brea,” he whispered.

“I’m yours, Harran,” she said softly. “You can have me however you want.” Did your little farm girl ever offer you that? she thought. He kissed her back hungrily. She let her magic graze his skin to show him what she meant.

Lust makes beasts of us all, her mother had told her once, when after performing a wedding, they’d watched a shy young man, a shepherd known for his gentleness, drag his pretty little bride to his tent, and the girl’s cries had startled and even frightened her. At least now he’s bound to protect her.

“I won’t hurt you,” Harran murmured, as if he’d seen the same memory. It had worked. she looked at him. “Not on purpose at least, I know for girls, the first time,” she groaned as he slid his hands between her thighs and parted them. “I’ll be gentle.”

“How do you know it’s my first time,” she whispered as his fingers parted her lips and he began suckling at her breasts. Her body shuddered.

“Brea,” he laughed, “if any man or boy had had you they’d have bragged endlessly,” she whimpered as he found the secret place in her that she’d touched thinking of him so many nights. “Except perhaps my brother and you’ve just said that you two hadn’t.”

“Oh,” she whispered. Of course, Brea Averran, the desert rose, one chief has called her. Such a beauty, and the other such a talent, the gods blessed your parents. “Ohh,” her next exhale was one of shock as Harran’s hardness invaded her. He was so large, and it did hurt, a little, but he was stroking in and out of her so gently, his hands on her back, gently moving in circles, she mostly felt dizzy with pleasure.

“So beautiful,” he whispered. Yes, if it was her beauty that he wanted, rather than herself, she would live with it. “So soft, and tight, Brea.” He grunted her name and withdrew spending in the sheets. The sudden absence of him made her mewl with need.

Lusts makes beasts of all of us.

“I need more,” she said, clinging to him, he chuckled gently and began moving his kisses down her body, “Harran,” she moaned his mouth landed between her thighs, and he licked and kissed her.

Nika had whispered to her once that a girl had done this for her, but she’d never expected it from a man. She moaned and writhed as her pleasure gripped her and then collapsed.

He wrapped around her from behind, burying his face in her hair. Any man who had you would brag endlessly. Yes, most of the keep would know about this tomorrow, but she couldn’t bring herself to care.

The chieftain’s health and mind were failing. He had three sons, Harran the presumptive heir. Brea and Nika had been volunteered by their father to help care for him. So her days were taken up with the father and her nights with the son.

Every night she wondered if she and Harran had reached the limits of pleasure only to find there was more, always more. And it wasn’t only sex, when they lay in bed together, they talked.

“I don’t know if I’m ready,” he whispered. She looked at him. “What if the tribes want someone else?”

“Why would they?” She asked. He laughed lightly.

“Not everyone sees me how you do, Brea,” he mumbled, and kissed her forehead. She smiled.

“It isn’t as though I think you’re perfect,” she rolled her eyes. “You’re terrifically arrogant, and you have awful table manners, and you laugh too much even when whatever was said wasn’t that funny.”

“Well that is a through accounting of my flaws,” he smiled and kissed her.

“Oh I’m not through yet,” she giggled and rolled onto her back, “when we were children you used to tease Nika so much she cried every time we came here, and you’re too competitive, and,” he kissed her.

“Enough of that,” he said. She smiled. “But you think I’m ready, despite all that?”

“I don’t know what ready means,” she admitted. “But I know your father isn’t going to die tomorrow. Probably not for a long time, he’ll be weak, and confused sometimes, but he’ll live.”

“You know this?” He said. She nodded. “How?”

“Because Nika and I are really very good at this,” she said. He smiled.

“Of course you are, Love,” he said. It was just an endearment, he didn’t really love her, he never said so. But still her heart raced when he said it.

“You’re going?” Brea asked, her face fully fallen. Harran looked at her kindly, and cupped her face.

“It’s a great honor, for me,” he said, “for us.” She narrowed her eyes. “I’m going to sit on The Queen’s Council.” That wasn’t why hew as excited to go. He was excited because his Lisette, his little farm girl turned out to actually be the Queen of Cammadan. She crossed her arms and frowned. “Don’t pout, Brea.”

“You don’t think she’ll actually want you?” She said sharply, her frown turning to a glare. “What have the Cammadie ever wanted from us but our land and bodies for their army?”

“You don’t know her,” he snapped back.

“Neither do you,” she argued, “you spent a few months with a little girl three years ago! I’m here, I’ve been here for years, in front of you, in your bed, at your side and it’s like you feel nothing!” He stared at her.

“Brea, I’m not leaving you,” he said. She swallowed. “But what am I supposed to do, ignore her?” Marry me, part of her thought, or at least take me with you. Promise me anything. “I’ll come back, and we’ll,” he exhaled. “We’ll make decisions then.”

“It’s up to you to decide it all then?” She said, she was seeing red, she was so furious.

“I think you’ve made your decisions,” he said. “You knew my feelings.” She raised her chin.

“I don’t seem to recall any complaints,” she said. His face flattened. “I’m sorry that I didn’t slink off into a corner and marry Rian because it would simplify your situation, Harran. Have a safe journey.” She turned on her heel and left.

Brea sat in silence looking over at Brightcoast palace from her horse. Nika was besides her.

“He probably wants to see you,” her sister said cheerfully. Brea looked at her.

“He probably needed a seer, and knew you’re too loyal to come without me,” she snorted and tossed her hair.

“Cynicism doesn’t suit you,” Nika sighed, “and if you’re the sarcastic one and the beautiful one, what does that leave me, hm?” Brea laughed. “Harran loves you, he’s just stubborn, I’m sure the minute he sees you again, he’ll drop to his knees begging you to take him back.” Brea smiled.

He hadn’t. And she couldn’t peg quite what was happening, between him and his farmgirl (Queen or not, Brea wouldn’t think of her as anything else.) but it was clearly enough that the Prince of Phania was nowhere to be found and Harran could barely make eye contact with her. They were settled in an elaborate and comfortable apartment after a meeting where she should have behaved better at, when Nika walked in and plopped down on the bed.

“What are you thinking about?” Brea asked, brushing out her hair. Nika bit her bottom lip and unwound her veil.

“She said she had Dream about me,” Nika mumbled. Brea laughed softly. This happened, from time to time, they’d walk in some place and Nika would notice some pretty girl and be distracted for a few days, but Duchess Marina was exceptionally pretty, and apparently had magic so, Nika might be a goner for weeks. She’d heard people say that the Duchess and the queen resembled each other, but she refused to think about that. “Did you talk to Harran?”

“I did not,” Brea shook her head, “and I don’t plan to.” She mustered her dignity into her spine. Nika shook her head. “He’s sleeping with her.”

“Yes, that was patently obviously,” Nika sighed. “I’m sorry.” Brea closed her eyes. “You should still talk to him.”

“He’s just going to tell me to go home and marry Rian,” she muttered. Nika laughed. “That’s his answer to everything. ‘Rian is a good man, he cares for you, it will please the elders!’ As if we haven’t shared a bed for two years.” She plopped next to her sister.

“Seems rather unfair to Rian, too,” Nika said. “To have his brother assume he’d be content as a consolation prize.” Brea smiled. Nika was of course right, and it wasn’t as though Rian and she hadn’t discussed the matter. She did like him, and never wanted to see him hurt in this crossfire.

That evening they sat through a rather painfully awkward dinner, though Nika seemed to be befriending the Cammadie. It was after dinner that it got really bad though. Harran walked out onto the terrace where Brea was watching the waves.

“I suppose we should talk,” he said. She turned and looked at him and smiled wickedly.

“What about?” She said. He sighed. “I’m not leaving you, Brea,” she repeated to him, “we’ll talk it about when I come home.”

“I had every intention,” he started.

“What did you say to her?” She asked and crossed her arms. “Did you talk about how you pined for her? How you would mumble her name in your sleep after you’d spent the night satisfying yourself with me?”

“There’s no reason to be cruel,” he said. She laughed then.

“I am not the cruel one in this scenario,” she said. “She doesn’t know who I am does she? You sent for me and didn’t even tell her!” He swallowed. “I can’t believe you,” she marched out onto the beach. “I don’t understand why you did send for me.”

“Because I needed to trust whoever it was, and I trust you.” She frowned.

“You needed someone with the sight and knew Nika wouldn’t come without me,” she said, her hurt rising. She would not cry in front of him. “I suppose I was fooling myself, because I thought maybe you actually wanted to see me.”

“Brea,” his voice went soft, pitying. “What am I supposed to do?” She frowned again.

“I don’t care what the elders say or even you,” she said, before he could even start. “I won’t marry Rian just because you changed your mind.”

I never made up my mind,” he said, “You made it up for me.” She swallowed another lump. “But things changed.”

“Yes, obviously,” she said, letting outa huff, “and now I’m supposed to just bow and smile to the woman who ruined my life. Wonderful.” She marched back into the palace and only when she knew Harran hadn’t followed did she let out a sob.

Two years of fruitless searches and long magic lessons had lead to and exhausted Brea asking if she could stay at the keep for longer than a few days. She was exhausted. Nika was pouting because Duchess Marina was in Dovetail. But they were needed anyway, as Chieftain Marcus was dying.

“I had wanted you as a daughter,” he said one day, as Brea ground some flowers to dry for his tea in the morning. She smiled gently at him.

“I wanted to be your daughter,” she said, gently. “It’s been my honor to care for you.” She brushed his hair off his forehead and applied a salve to his brow. He slept and she passed the time drying more leaves and flowers.

“How is he?” She turned and saw Harran in the doorway.

“Weak,” she said softly. “It won’t be long now.” He nodded. “We didn’t expect you yet.” He exhaled.

“Lisette and I,” he said, “I think we’ve reached an impasse.” She looked at him with half a smirk.

“She said no?” She asked. He nodded. “Well, she’s always been foolish.” He laughed.

“Not everyone sees me with your eyes, Brea,” he teased. She smiled. “I’m glad I didn’t miss him.”

“He’d have waited for you,” she said, “I think he has been.” He nodded. “Anders and Rian arrived a few days ago.” He nodded.

“Thank you for,” he swallowed. “Thank you, Brea.” She looked at him, she hadn’t looked at him in so long, she’d been afraid to, afraid to let her heart stop hating him.

“What else can I do?” She whispered.

Another six months went by, Harran was selected by the tribes, and Brea resumed her more nomadic life. She’d stopped in a tribal camp to name a few children, and she’d settled into a light sleep when the yells came.

“Is there a witch?” Came from one voice, male and she knew it. She shot off of her cot and out to the center, Prior Chastain and Tristan Dugarry were holding Harran up. “Brea, Thank Cornan,” Tristan said. She felt frozen.

“What happened?” She asked as they moved him into her tent. But she feltit instantly. Shadows. “How many were there?”

“Ten, maybe,” Prior said softly. I nodded. “Should we go?”

“No,” she said and knelt down. She brushed his hair off his face. He smiled at her. “What are you smiling about, Chieftan?”

“The gods are good,” he said, “I’m attacked by a shadow and in the nearest camp is Brea Averran.”

“Fool,” she shook her head, and looked at the two Cammadie Rangers. How in the Dark Lady’s web had it been woven that she was currently in a tent with all of Annalise Dovetail’s lovers. Was Eric of Phania going to stride in next? “Harran,” she whispered. “Do you remember our first night?”

“Vividly,” he tried to tease but his face was going pale. She nodded. “Is the cure for you to be naked and bossy?” She rolled her eyes and she noticed Prior grin.

“Hush,” she said, “when you touched me, you saw what I was thinking about, now I”m going to see your thoughts,” she slid her hand against his chest, “think of warmth, and joy.” She closed her eyes and her body filled with light from Harran to reflect back to him. Some things she recognized. Rian and Anders and him with their father as boys, learning their swords. The first time he’d made Nika laugh, a shared memory that she added hers to. And then an unexpected one, an unremarkable morning they’d spent together. Then the shadow rose out of him and hissed.

“Do you claim him?” It hissed. “Brea Averran, Desert Rose, lesser of two sisters?”

“Yes,” she said. “I claim this man, he is mine, you cannot have him.” She shot a beam of light at the shadow and it dispersed. She nearly fainted.

“Brea,” Prior caught her. She looked up at him. “It’s alright.” She swallowed and looked over. Harran’s color had returned. He was asleep but she could handle that. “What do you need?” She stared at him.

“Water,” she said. He nodded and left. I sat down and looked at Tristan.

“You claimed him,” he said. She swallowed. “That’s powerful magic, Brea.”

“What would you know about it?” She asked. He shrugged.

“You’re right,” he said, his voice deadpan, “I’ve spent the past two years hunting and fighting shadows and doing nearly nothing else, but what would I know about a claiming?” She glared at him. “You’re bound now, forever.”

“I was anyway,” she said. “I would think you of all people would understand that.” He smiled sadly.

“Yes,” he smiled, “I do understand.”

“How are you friends with them?” She asked. Tristan laughed.

“Prior and I were friends before he and Annalise began,” he exhaled “whatever they’re doing, and he,” he nodded to Harrani, “is a very difficult man to dislike.” She smiled. “I hate Eric and despise Damian Lestoff and your sister is a deeply suspicious person, if that comforts you at all. There’s also a Rastani merchant captain who if I ever see again I will probably murder.” She laughed. “I’ll leave you,” he kissed her on the cheek. She sat on the end of the cot and looked at Harran.

“You’re mine,” she whispered.

It had been weeks of misery. Harran was healing, but he was a terrible patient. She’d wanted to move on leaving his care to the apprentice in the camp but everyone had insisted that she continue to care for the Chieftain.

“Brea,” he said one evening from the much more comfortable bed, that had been set for him than the cot where she frist healed him. “Lay down with me.” She glared at him. “Not for that, I know I’m too weak.”

“What for then?” She asked.

“Because I’ve missed lying in bed with you for years.” He said. She looked at him. “Please? I’ll order them to give you room to leave if you do.”

“Oh honestly,” she said and lay down beside him, “it is my honor to care for the chieftains.” He smiled and wrapped his arms around her, their heartbeats began to sync. “Harran,” she mumbled. “What do you mean you missed lying with me?” He smiled. “Didn’t Annalise,” he sighed.

“I loved her,” he said, “but she carries heavy burdens, it makes her hard to talk to.” Brea smiled. “I could always talk to you.”

“What’s it been like?” She asked. He frowned.

“Strange,” he managed. “When people call me Chieftain, I still look for my father,” she smiled, “and I’m not used to Anders and Rian deferring to me. That’s very strange.” She laughed. “And this, for instance, you being compelled to stay with me, that wouldn’t have happened before.”

“I’m surprised they didn’t send for Nika,” she whispered. He smiled and kissed her softly.

“When will you stop that?” He asked.

“What?” She asked.

“Acting like people only value you in relation to Nika,” he said. “Your sister has a great many gifts, but she wasn’t the one who soothed my father’s fever enough that we could say goodbye,” he traced a finger to her hairline, “she didn’t convince Annalise that annexing the tribes wasn’t as productive as partnering with us. And she didn’t stand toe to toe with a shadow to save my life.” She lookedat him.

“I won’t let you do this to me again,” she whispered.

“Do what?” He asked.

“Make me love you and then pretend there’s nothing between us,” she whispered. He slipped her hair between his hands.

“When did I ever say there wasn’t anything between us?” He whispered. She rolled her eyes. “Alright, fine, but perhaps you were too pushy.”

“If you once said ‘no,'” she shrugged, “I would agree.” He laughed. “It was always ‘wait,’ so I did.” He kissed her again.

“Rian has never missed the chance to tell me what a I fool I was to turn you away,” he murmured. She laughed and they kissed again. He slid a hand to the fold in her robe.

“Harran,” she mumbled.

“You’re the healer,” he mumbled, “am I well enough?” She giggled. They kissed heavily.

“If you leave me again, I wil curse you,” she mumbled.

“I’m not leaving you ever again,” he whispered. “You’re mine.”